Sunday, June 28, 2009

"what do I need with love?"

Last night, I snuck out of my messy hotel room with my roommate and had a sleepover in my other friends' room. It's so great having new friends and feeling like you're at home even though you're not. The littlest gestures of friendship reminds me of home so much, and it really makes me miss it. So, we slept in so much today. A full week of tiring dancing can really exhaust a few little girls, teehee.

Today, we took a walk to this theatre downtown to watch a production of the Broadway musical, Thoroughly Modern Millie. I went into the (cute, old) theatre not knowing what the musical was about, and I fell in love with it!! The music and dancing was just amazing! The dancing added an entertaining and clever element to the interesting and unique plot line. First of all, I love how it's set in the 1920's. That was such a fun time era, and it was the time when women started discovering their power and independence. And there was something about this musical that struck me: you can never control who you fall in love with. It just happens. It's unexplainable, but it's that feeling you get in your chest when you realize that this, this, is what love is. It gave me something to really look forward to because I have great news. I've finally fallen out of love. I've stopped the thinking, the crying, the feels great! And the fact that there aren't many cute guys around here makes it a little easier. I can't wait to get back home and carry myself differently and feel so great about myself that no one will get to my head like he did.
I'm feeling great, and ready for yet another week of a lot dancing! Bring it on!

Please don't forget to let me know if any of you want to do another Q&A session of any kind!

Saturday, June 27, 2009


I. am. so. sorry.
I know that I said that I would update you as much as possible, and I hadn't done anything this week except give you late updates and say that you guys could ask me any questions you wanted (which by the way, didn't work out so well). I do wish that the Q&A session had went a lot better and that I actually got some questions about my dancing and whatnot. But maybe I should've planned it better and not have spazzed out like that...

So, week one. At Richmond.
It's been crazy! So much has happened, and I can't even believe that it would all happen in just one week.
Day One was rough. It was so difficult and just one long day. I was so energized for the day, but by the end of it, I was so pooped. There was nothing I could do about it. But my roommate and a couple of my other girlies sat in the hot tub for a while. It felt so good even though I knew I was going to be sore the next day whether I liked it or not.
Day Two was just killer. I was already sore, and just to make it worse, there were just even more classes with harder teachers.
Day Three is illustrated by this photograph. I'm in ugly clothes (which is all I wear around here), and I have some legwarmers on my joints to try and keep them warm and not tight and immobile. It's a quite depressing picture, but it really shows how rough this week really is. And if you've been following me on Twitter, you know that I took an ice bath on Day Number Three. It actually really helped and really dulled down the pain and tightness that the soreness gave to my muscles.
Day Four was actually getting better, and I even took another ice bath! It just worked so well on my feet and leg muscles that I couldn't resist the relief it gave to my body.
Day Five was definitely the easiest. We only had three real classes that day. The rest of the day was just a great talking day with a couple of the amazing teachers and the director of the company and school.
And finally Day Six (today) was the shortest and probably the least wanted to come. I was just so tired by the end that I couldn't wait for the day to be over, and the end finally came! My roommate/bestfriend and I rushed back to the hotel, got into our bathing suits, grabbed towels, and ran up to the roof to tan. It was so relaxing and the sun felt so good on my skin after being inside all day, everyday. Then, we went back inside and got to relax and hang out with a lot of the new friends I've made while being here.

This week went by extremely fast, and I'm just afraid that the next 4 weeks will go by even faster. Lucky for me, I've already made a ton of new friends, and I couldn't be happier that I have. My best friend/roommate isn't in the same level as me in the intensive, so it was hard to start talking to some of the girls in my class, but we all finally came around and started opening up to each other on only the 2nd day!
The teachers here are amazing, and I really think that I'm going to love every minute of the next 4 weeks. I've learned so much from them in just these first 6 days with them, and even though I know that they're going easy on us, I just can't wait for the challenge that they're all about to hand us. I've also realized that I have a lot more to work on than I thought I did. I'm going to have to push and fight for what I need to work on. I just can't wait to see myself improve and just grow as a dancer even more as an artist.

I promise that I'm going to update almost everyday. I just feel bad that I have this "big" group of followers expecting to read all about my adventures here in Richmond, and nothing has been written in a few days. But I really want to try to do another Q&A session on my Stickam because I want you guys to ask me anything that you want! I know that there are questions you all have for me!
I got my letter from my promdate and friend Nathan. He's in Oklahoma at boot camp for the National Guard right now. I just can't see him being yelled at and doing drills; he's just so sweet, and I just know how homesick he is. He sounded homesick. But what really amused me was that he and I are pretty much in the same boat right now with hardcore camp stuff. He's doing a bunch of drills with pushups and running, and I'm doing a bunch of classes with pirouettes and jazz squares. It's all the same, and when we get back to school in the fall, we're both going to be so fit and happy that we're back home. I miss him dearly, and I miss my friends, and I miss my house...

I didn't think that I would miss it this much. But I really do. I'm laying in this hotel bed that's made for my every other day, and I just think about how it's going to be when I'm out of the house. It's kind of a scary thought, but it has to happen sooner or later. And I just didn't think that I was going to be worried like this, but I am. But I think that it's going to get better with time.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see a musical called Throughly Modern Millie around here in downtown. I'm really excited, and I can't wait to get all dressed up to see my first Broadway show!!
And please, try to think of questions and suggestions of Q&A sessions and what not!


PS. Then I freaking find out that MJ dies?!?! This week has been wayyyy too eventful.
R.I.P. The King of Pop. You are a legend.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Tonight, I'm going to have a Q&A session/talk thing on my Stickam.
I would like you to gather up all the questions you have and get ready to ask them for me tonight! I know I'll probably not have many people show up, but it will still be fun to see who shows up! Please join me!

9pm EST

See you there!

Friday, June 19, 2009

the real updates.

I've been taking video-blogs all week, and I couldn't get a chance to get them all up until now!
I've combined all the videos into one big one, but I hope it's not too confusing.
I'm such a dork talking about packing and the photoshoot...

Thursday, June 18, 2009


I'm way behind on updates!
All this week I'm getting ready for Richmond and taking the first week of the company intensive. And we're learning flamenco! How fun! It's such a blast and I'm learning it from this sassy Colombian lady. She's so spicy, and she said that I was super sassy! I love flamenco, and she even taught us some salsa and rumba! I could salsa all day long!
My friend, Courtney, and I have been having a little fun with the flamenco skirts and making them into shorter, fabulous salsa outfits. Here's a look at some of our designs, ha!
So, you guessed it! I'm packing and just getting super stoked for Richmond! I went to the dance store yesterday and picked up a character skirt and a few more black leos. I got this fabulous leo design by ABT. It's so great, and I can't way to wear it!
I'm gonna make a promise to you that I'm going to update you so much sooner than this next time. Let me know what you're up to this summer too!


Saturday, June 13, 2009

bad habits.

I'm here in Maryland and having a totally rad time with some family.
Yet I still thought I was going to forget everything I've left behind.

My mother has always had a way with words. The other day she said to me:
"There are only two hard things to do in this world: not to judge and to forgive."
However, this time, I don't think she said it correctly. I can always forgive. It's so easy for me to say I forgive someone, but what I think my mom meant is that it's hard to forgive ourselves. I've always had difficulty forgiving myself for what I've done, what I haven't done, etc. It always seems easier to give what you mean to someone else rather than yourself.

I'm trying to break these bad habits. I can't stand to see myself so vulnerable and broken anymore. I hate gazing out over this balcony and seeing a developed world that isn't going to change and hoping that any given moment it will.
I don't want to do stupid things like this anymore.
It's so much easier to go on with life having said certain things, having done certain things, and having met certain people. I'm always thankful for what I have and what I've been given to work with, and I'm going to break these habits of just wishing for things I'll never get.

+ I've finally realized that no matter how far away I run, I'm still going to feel as close to heartache as I always will.
Maybe I've finally grown up.

We're down to single digits, my friends. 8 days!!
I've spent this entire week babysitting my precious baby cousin and reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. This is the first book I've read by her, and I absolutely love her writing style. And this book. Brought me to tears. I've toughed out with the hospital talk and the broken family bonds...but what really got me was actually losing someone you love. By death and by them just running away. It hurts, but then again I wouldn't know. But I think I cry because it's going to happen to all of us someday, and we all know it...
I'm reconnecting with an old friend that lives up here, and it's so good to talk to her. But she's out camping this weekend, so I'll have to give her a visit the next time I stop by up here.

I'm ready for a new book!
What do you all recommend?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

fun photoshoot with my sister. on Twitpic"You can be in love and you can be in a relationship. But they're not always the same thing."

This quote from the blog, "I Wrote This For You" (, explains everything. It's weird how a couple of sentences can really affect a person. I've been in love for so long, it felt like a relationship when it really wasn't.
That day that I won't be in love will come soon.
Hopefully sooner than I expect.

I'm here in Maryland and feeling totally chill. I feel like connecting with some old friends again. It's always a good idea.

Monday, June 08, 2009

13 days!

I hate computers. Mine is screwing up whenever I want to get onto my blog! So, here I am phoneblogging again; good thing I have a full keyboard or this would be really annoying. I hope this isn't permanent...good thing I'll get a working computer for Richmond!

But lately I've been walking around in nothing but stilletos. I just love what they do for my legs. You all saw the laast picture, yeah? And it's just wild that I got both of these pairs at a consignment shop! You just have to keep your eyes open for great finds! Lately I've been driving around getting used to the road and such. My dad is so silly, but he's really smart if he stops goofing around. He told me while I'm driving that it's like dancing. There are certain rules that you have to remember, positions that are essential, and you have to have the mindset that you're not going to screw up. My daddy may be really cheesy sometimes, but he knows what matters to me.

I'll be out of here in 13 days!! Going to MD tomorrow!

Friday, June 05, 2009

you only love my legs.

I'm on my way to the Celtic Women concert! I feel so sexy in these Enzo Angiolinis. And I'm just wishing you'll somehow see me. But I'm getting closer to where I'll leave you, so there's no point...

Watching SYTYCD last night made me wonder if I'm really cut out for this. I was in tears pretty much the whole show, so how will I handle it when I try out for the show myself. But I think that's the whole thing. I'm already in the show emotionally without really being in it, so my soul is already attached to it. I want it so bad. I'll be working so hard for those judges, for the danceworld, and most importantly myself. You all will see me on that show in a couple of years. Keep your eyes open for me!

Pulling up to the venue, bye!

PS. Check out my girl, Katie Williams, in POINTE magazine! She's totally rocking ABT, and you all will love her!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

i just know it.

First day of summer vacation.
It was rad.
I spent all day scrapbooking and crafting. I've never had time to do so much fun!
I'm working on a special scrapbook for a very special friend...and it's still a surprise! So, shhh!
Then, I made a couple of super-duper cute clips with flowers! Here's one of them, and it's definitely my favourite one that I made. Isn't it so pretty? I'm running out of flowers, so I'm going to make a run to the craft store to pick some up. Maybe I'll even come up with a new craft idea!
I also made a "reinvent love" bracelet with some letter beads! It's cute and really simple. I wanted to make a "fearless" bracelet first, but I only had one "S"! And I didn't want to seem fearleSly stupid, ha!
At ballet class today, there were a couple of girls that I've never seen at the studio taking our class. One of them stood right next to me at the barre. She was tall, had long legs, and most of all extremely skinny. Not a good skinny though. And it was hard to bear watching those skinny legs tremble just by doing some simple pliƩs. In center, she was off balance. It was obvious that she didn't have the muscle to do any of the exercises in the center. It's so sad seeing something like that right in front of me. I would've said something if I had actually known her, but I don't. I just wish that someone in her life would take the time to sit down and talk to her about what's wrong, so she can have the chance to save her body.
So, tonight I watched SYTYCD, and I'm starting to get emotional with it just like the contestants that are on the show. It's such a weird thing, but I just think that dancers share this connection that normal people don't. We understand each other so easily, and we just empathize with each other. Tonight, when I saw some of those girls and guys go home, I couldn't help but cry along with them. I recognize passion and hardwork when I see it, and all those people want to be there maybe as bad as I do. I can't wait until I'm old enough to be on that show. I can't say that I'm going to make it immediately because the competition is stepping up every season, which makes me work so much harder! It's so exciting, and I just want to be a part of it all right now. I love the choreography, the chance to learn and perform different styles of dance, the reality of competition, and the greatest prize of all: making your dreams come true. That show opens doors for so many dancers, and I just think that even just auditioning for the show will make my dreams come true somehow. Keep your eyes on that show! Maybe you'll see my face on your TV screen in the near future...

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

together we're unlimited

Today was my last day of sophomore year.
Today was my last day of high school with Dylan.
Today was my last day seeing you.

It's so strange to think that I only have two more years of high school, but I'm starting to love the idea. Just so much closer to my dreams. I went back to ballet class today since all of last week I was feeling so ill, and it was just so hot! The fans were going, and the windows were open, yet I was sweating like crazy. And I was just glistening with sweat. "Glistening" is definitely an adjective that isn't used often to describe someone sweating, but it's what I looked like. I was radiating with sweat, and it's because I'm working hard. Words like "glisten" and "shine" and "radiate" weren't just to describe my sweaty appearance; it also meant what I was there to do, why I dance, and why I'm successful.

I had a little chat with Pedro tonight after class, and we had a great discussion as always. I think that this company is growing faster and more amazing than we ever expected it to grow into within the last 2 or 3 years. It's so amazing, and I feel so special to be a part of something so unique and genuine. He asked me what I would like to improve on, so he could work on those particular things with me more so than with what I already feel comfortable. This list consisted of: turnout, extension, and turns. Those are my biggest problems at the moment. Then he asked me if I could be any role in any classical ballet who would I be? I immediately replied with Juliet from Romeo and Juliet, and he asked for more. So, I replied with Odette (only if I had the extension) and Kitri (because she's a little firecracker, and it would be loads of fun!).

What do you think the perfect classical ballet role for me would be?

He concluded saying that he has many challenges planned out for me for the upcoming season. I love it when he says things like this to me because it just gets me so excited, and I work even harder so that those challenges may even move up!

School year is over.
So, glistening summer classes, here I come!

Peepshow dreamin'!

Photo source:
I had the most fantastical and sexy dream last night! I had a dream that I was front row at Peepshow, ha! I'm positive that my dream wasn't even to the caliber of the real show since I haven't seen it...
but Mel B was doing her thing, and Keltie Colleen was just just werking that stage!! It was so amazing.
So here's the run through...

I walk into the theatre with my mother (lol), and then she ordered me a strawberry daiquiri! It was delicious of course. So, we made our way to the very front and right in front of the stage. Then the lights went low, and the show began! Mel B walked out on stage looking oh-so-fierce singing and dancing. So hawt. And of course I'm cheering like crazy. Then Keltie struts on stage in that adorable pink outfit with those stunning Miu Miu shoes. It was weird because I whispered, "Keltie...pssstt...Keltie!". She looks down and sees me, and then she smiles realllllyyy wide and keeps being Keltie. And I could tell she was kicking higher and shaking that booty harder because she knew I was there, ha!
...and in the middle of the show, my mother woke me up! FML.

What a dream! I was blown away already, and it wasn't even the real show! I think it was a sign that I'm meant to see this show, but I can't obviously since I'm not old enough...but it definitely means something. Keltie + Peepshow cast, you all need to werk it as if I was there! Ha!

Monday, June 01, 2009

we seem to contradict.

I took this quiz on Facebook called "what ballet are you?", and here's my result. And how wonderful is it that Romeo and Juliet so happens to be my favourite ballet. Then there's my analysis of what kind of person I am, and it's so strange how accurate it is. I really am passionate about dancing. It's just not a thing I've gotten myself into. It's what I'm born to do. And yes, I do put my whole self into things I love.
I love dancing. Therefore I've put my whole body and soul into making it the most important part of my lfie.
Then there are those things called relationships that I seem to love a lot. And for some reason, I put my whole self into relationships or friendships that never seem to work out, then I just end up getting hurt. It still doesn't make much sense to me as to why I keep putting my whole self into something that will most likely leave me getting hurt. But I think that's just the contradiction of the whole thing. I want to be able to find someone that will love me and never hurt me, but then I get myself into something that ends up hurting me anyways.

I was talking to my friend, Shane, about God and our opinions about religion. He and I have our own opinions about what we think God is or like, but he still contradicted himself completely. Then he said, "We contradict. It's human nature. I think that's the biggest contradiction in humans is the fight between logic and compassion."
He's a very smart guy. He may be very opinionated and goofy, but he has some serious stuff to say, and when he said that. It just made me realize that we have to decide everything for ourselves, but sometimes we can never make up our minds making us contradict ourselves many times.

Tomorrow is my last day of school, and it's a strange feeling because I feel like I'm ending the year the same way it started. I started this school year feeling like a nobody, and now I'm ending this school year feeling like a nobody. Somewhere in the middle there I know I felt like a someone, but it was only for a brief moment. I think before I knew it, I just started becoming a nobody...this isn't making much sense, but I think I just need to leave school, ha!
I'm so excited for summer! Leotards + tights + sports bras + Sunny D + late nights at the pool is going to be my summer. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Summer, here I come!

PS. new choreo coming a couple of days!!

my heart is crushed by a former love.

I was singing that line from the All-American Rejects song "Swing, Swing" all day yesterday... And it's such a weird line to sing because I'm not even sure if you broke my heart. We never dated. We never did anything physical. We just...were. And yet, I still feel somewhat hurt by you. It's just one of those things I can never explain, and it only makes sense to me. Now, I'm going to stop being immature and stop posting pointless blogposts about you because it just makes me seem like a little baby.

This is the last blogpost about you.