Saturday, June 13, 2009

bad habits.

I'm here in Maryland and having a totally rad time with some family.
Yet I still thought I was going to forget everything I've left behind.

My mother has always had a way with words. The other day she said to me:
"There are only two hard things to do in this world: not to judge and to forgive."
However, this time, I don't think she said it correctly. I can always forgive. It's so easy for me to say I forgive someone, but what I think my mom meant is that it's hard to forgive ourselves. I've always had difficulty forgiving myself for what I've done, what I haven't done, etc. It always seems easier to give what you mean to someone else rather than yourself.

I'm trying to break these bad habits. I can't stand to see myself so vulnerable and broken anymore. I hate gazing out over this balcony and seeing a developed world that isn't going to change and hoping that any given moment it will.
I don't want to do stupid things like this anymore.
It's so much easier to go on with life having said certain things, having done certain things, and having met certain people. I'm always thankful for what I have and what I've been given to work with, and I'm going to break these habits of just wishing for things I'll never get.

+ I've finally realized that no matter how far away I run, I'm still going to feel as close to heartache as I always will.
Maybe I've finally grown up.


We're down to single digits, my friends. 8 days!!
I've spent this entire week babysitting my precious baby cousin and reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. This is the first book I've read by her, and I absolutely love her writing style. And this book. Brought me to tears. I've toughed out with the hospital talk and the broken family bonds...but what really got me was actually losing someone you love. By death and by them just running away. It hurts, but then again I wouldn't know. But I think I cry because it's going to happen to all of us someday, and we all know it...
I'm reconnecting with an old friend that lives up here, and it's so good to talk to her. But she's out camping this weekend, so I'll have to give her a visit the next time I stop by up here.

I'm ready for a new book!
What do you all recommend?
xobria

1 comment:

Start Something said...

I reccommend, of course, the Georgia Nicolson books. I don't know if you've read them or not? Not many Americans have. Anyway, the first one is Angus, Thongs And Full Frontal Snogging (may've seen/heard of the movie version; Angus, Thongs And Perfect Snogging. Name changed because of you good ol' Americans being offended. Just like many of the book titles have had to be changed because of you good ol' Americans. *Shakes fist*.), and then just go on from there.

Another good series is one i can't remember...i think the last book is called The Underwood See or something. They're a weeettle bit like Donnie Darko. Anyway, i loved them.

Also, Heavier Than Heaven. I'm currently reading it, and it's such an amazing biography; it's as if it could've been writing by Kurt himself (which it wasn't).

Erm...that should keep you going.

You're an amazing blawg writer, by the way.