What I realized is that the person you love with all your heart, might love you at first, but they will never love you back that much. But a person that loves you, but you don't feel the same way, will still love you. Always. It's so sad how that works out, but maybe it's meant to work out that way. Maybe, we're supposed to find someone that will love you for you and not love you for loving them. I'm only loving you. You don't love me back.
Friday, we sadly lost our game to the undefeated Brookville Bees. A dissapointment, but what I was even more disappointed in was you. I don't like the way you act when you don't have a shirt on. I wrote a song on Friday. Probably one of the best songs I've ever written. And it's about how I feel about you. I wish I could record it to show you guys my work, but my mother says that I have to get copyright business done before I can do stuff like that. I'll see what I can do for you all. But it's amazing what great songs can come out of a sad sad love story. The song I wrote sounds like Taylor Swift meets Indie, ha.
Yesterday, I walked along Grandin Road. I had flashbacks of you + I walking down the street discussing movies and what we thought of "Slumdog Millionaire" which we had saw that night at the Grandin Theatre. We continued walking to a cute little malt shop called Pops, and we had a couple of milkshakes as we talked about our imperfections (your perfect imperfections)...as I enjoyed an amazing Mediterranean dinner with my family, I kept seeing your car drive by with another girl in the passenger seat. I think I was seeing things. But I need to get to the point where I can take a walk on a great street without thinking about you. I tell myself that I'm over you, and I am. But I don't think my body is ready to let go yet...
Today I took a ballet class from my old ballet teacher from Richmond. Yes, he is the sexy Ukrainian one that I drooled over every Monday + Wednesday. He walked in with a new haircut + cute white turtleneck. And once he started talking, I started melting. But when he held my hands to help me with a sousou was when I really melted to the floor, ha! Even though I had him this summer, just having him again today I learned even more from him. And it's interesting how I suddenly do amazing whenever he teaches...LOL
Well this coming Saturday is the museum performance, and I'm really excited for it. I'm gonna be in a short, sassy wig + a beautiful velvet dress. I want to see you there! We even have a band to play live music! But I think what's even more amazing is that I'll be dancing from 7 to 7 that day. It's the beginning of what's to come for me within the next few years probably...
Now that I'm a junior, everyone is talking about colleges and majors and such. It's still unbelievable that I'll be graduating next year, but I'm so ready to go. I'm so ready to grasp the universe as what it is and not make it what I want it to be. I'm ready to hold onto the danger + risk that life requires. But what I'm not ready for is to chose a college...right now I'm looking into Chapman University in Orange, CA. I was born + raised in Orange, so I thought it would be AMAZING to go back to my hometown. However, Chapman is a private university. Scholarships would be nice, yeah?