Friday, October 16, 2009

braces on my heart.

"healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."--Tori Amos

Yesterday I finally got my braces off! I could not stop smiling all day long! I just love this new smile, and it's given me a new confidence. It was still a bit hard to walk around beaming (especially around you) when it feels so dark on the inside. But I've never seen or felt myself this happy in a long time. It's been a long time since I've been smiling this much and talking this much and just being happy. I want to stay like this for a good time. I need it.

Getting my braces off made me realize that your mouth is like your heart. Especially when you have braces.
Everyone has a mouth. And throughout your life, you have keep eating and feeding it (even though your food does eventually end up in your stomach, let's just say you feed your mouth first, kay?) to stay alive. Everyone has a different mouth. Different sized teeth. Different shaped lips. Different lengths of tongues. Your teeth aren't perfect, so you decide to get braces. You get braces because you want to improve your smile, right? To straighten things out and get everything aligned. When you have braces, there are rules. You can't eat certain things. You have to wear your rubberbands to make sure everything gets aligned correctly. And along the way, you get cuts + sores in your mouth. You accidentally bump yourself in the mouth and get a cut on your cheek. Your teeth move, and the brackets make sores on the insides of your lip. They hurt when you eat. When you talk. When you smile. But in the end, you have to think about how beautiful + gorgeous your smile will be after you get them off. Through the whole process, you just keep telling yourself that it's all for the best.

Falling in love and having a growing heart is exactly the same. Everyone has a heart. You have to constantly feed it love and happiness to keep it alive and working. Everyone's heart works differently. Some use it more than others. Some are bigger than others. But you feel like your heart isn't complete. Not perfect. So you find that there's a solution to your broken heart or you find something that will make yourself happier in the end. You think that it will all just be fine + dandy, but there are rules. You can't let yourself fall too fast. You can't give all of your heart without knowing that you're getting loved in return. Regardless of if you follow the rules or not, you're going to get cuts and sores along the way. There is going to be a little bump in the road that will cut right through your heart. Things are changing around you, and in your heart, and it makes new open sores on your heart. It hurts to eat. To talk. To smile. But you just keep telling yourself that it's all for the best. That in the end, you'll be gorgeous and happy. That in the end, all you'll want to do is smile because you're so damn happy.

You get your braces off, and you run your tongue along your teeth. Along your cheeks. Your teeth so smooth and different. You feel the scars left from the cuts and sores left from the braces. You're reminded of the long process it took to make your smile so beautiful. You remember all appointments you made to get things adjusted and fitted properly. Your teeth look so straight and perfect. They don't even feel like your own teeth. It's like a new set of teeth. A new you. You think to yourself that it was all worth it.

You wake up one day. Everything you feel in your heart is suddenly different. You feel the scars from the last time you hit a little bump or a big one. You're reminded of what you've been through. The dates you went on. The nights you spent in their arms kissing them and everything felt so perfect. You felt everything moving and changing for the better. You're reminded of the nights you spent crying yourself to sleep. The days you had to pull yourself out of bed to get through the day. Your heart looks so different now. Like a new layer. It looks so perfect. It doesn't even feel like your own heart anymore. It's like a fresh new start. A new fresh layer of your heart to start working on. A new heart. You just keep telling yourself that it was all worth it.

Now smile.

1 comment:

Alex said...

oh you look so pretty!! i still have like 3 years to go with these braces things that bother me so much and basically make eating an impossible task.

love always,

ps. im at the Mac store right now this keyboard is amazing...i cant believe this...