"i can't wait to see you again."
Photo by: Charlie Youle
The past few days, I've been bed ridden with a high high fever + bronchitis.
I've been hacking up a lung and panting in a cold sweat. I've been sleeping away the aches and drinking + inhaling the pain away. I put so much stress on my little body this weekend, that it's going to take twice as long to get better. I learned the hard way. But I'm going to use this time to take extra good care of myself. I need it.
When I was laying in bed, sniffling, coughing, and wheezing, I read some more of my old diaries. Many of them made me laugh. I was an immature little girl. I'm a lot better now, but I can't say that I've changed very much. There were entries that made me cry because of how sad I used to be. I cried for how hopelessly hopeful I was. And I still am hopelessly hopeful. That's the one thing that hasn't changed. I wrote so much about that boy in Algebra II class, and now I just laugh + am just so thankful that I'm finally "his". I'm telling all of you this now: don't give up on that boy you'll always like. He'll come around. Just be hopeful, and be yourself. It doesn't get any easier than that. He sent me a sweet sweet txt message yesterday as I was coloring in my Hello Kitty coloring book. He first asked, "Are you alive?". Once I told him that I was barely living and that I'll probably be back by Thursday, he said, "Ok cool. I can't wait to see you again." The smallest things. The tiniest things. Make me smile. And he has no idea.
I forgot to mention in my last post about how much I love my best friend. My best friend, Courtney, was my alternate for falling off the train backwards. She fell off the train the first show, and when we were sitting there waiting for her cue, she began to panic. Her breathing was scattered, and I could feel the fear coming off of her skin. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. I said, "Breathe. Hold yourself. They'll catch you." She nodded, and she got up to do it. When you have a best friend that you can hold hands with when you're the most scared, you know you're safe. You have to find the friends that will hold your hand right before you fall. Find the friends that you can tell that they're there for you without having to look them in the eye. You just know. I love my best friends. And they love me.