Monday, October 19, 2009

i need to get out of the bad habit of looking for you.

I took a little time off for myself. To let this new layer of myself shine on through. To let this new layer of my heart see something different. It felt good to just get away and think about things. And to not think of you.

This weekend was a very fulfilling weekend. We ran Snow just about 8 times in about 20 minutes. I would say that's a record for us as a company. Even just teaching snow in one day was a new record. It's so exciting, and all we have to do now is clean clean clean! We're just about halfway through Marzipan/Mirlitons (people call them so many different things! These are the only 2 that I've known to call them). And I learned my first 2 entrances for Dewdrop. This Nutcracker season is going to be a great one; I can tell. Everyone has parts that they're happy with and challenging enough. Everyone is working so hard for the parts that they have. Final casting is going up in a couple of weeks, and either way, I'm going to be happy with what I have because I'm working so hard right now.
Next month is crazy for the company. We have a performance just about every weekend next month! I love it! I feel like I've got a real dancing job...but of course a real dancing job would have a show almost every night as well as maybe 2 or 3 shows a day. Now that. That would be fun.

I got a new iTouch this weekend. And I paid for it in cash! I think the man that got it for me thinks that I'm crazy + awesome at the same time for doing that. I seriously love this thing. It's so fun to play with, and the apps are all so addicting! And you guys know me too well; the first app I got was Twitterific! I definitely like it more than the txt updates. I can see everyone's tweets and the @ replies that I get! Definitely a plus because I love to see what you guys think about what I tweet!

I made this fearless heart my wallpaper to remind me what this new layer of my heart is here to do. It's here to start all over. A clean slate of nothing but a new idea of hopes and dreams. It's almost perfect. But I just feel like that it will just get scratched up again...

I fell back into that trap today. I think you did too. Walking through the halls, my eyes immediately start shifting around for the closest sign of you. Will I ever stop doing that? It's such a bad habit. You noticed that I didn't talk to you. How does it feel? How does it feel to be looked over like you don't exist? Even though it felt good to know that you wanted to talk to me, I just can't let myself fall into that trap again. That's another bad habit.

It takes 21 days to make or break a habit.
But I feel like I can't go on that long without you....

"the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."--ernest hemingway

1 comment:

Simply Sarah™ said...

you are so determined, i love it!

good luck with the shows, girl.