Wednesday, October 21, 2009

oh my gosh, i'm turning into you....

I've been walking around with these thoughts in my head and this feeling in my pants that only you know about. The things that have been coming out of my mouth sound cocky and arrogant like you. I look "hot" because I want you to notice and boost my ego. The way I try to make myself look ridiculously cool is only something you do. I've been nothing but a complete bitch to you, until now that I want something. Only something you would want. No strings attached.

I loved you. And now that I don't love you. I've become you. Maybe in hopes that I won't forget you. But I hate what you are, and now I've hate what I've become. You are someone that will never show what they're feeling. You are someone that will never know because you don't give love a chance. It's because you hide behind this mask of humungous ego and masses of muscle. Now all I'm doing is hiding behind a mask of happiness and "hottness" to cover up the fact that I'm completely heartbroken and torn apart from you.

Maybe that's why I feel like I need you now more than ever. Maybe I feel as if you can fix things with just a little heat from your fingertips. Just a little kiss. Just a little moment where I think you love me. And I wake up knowing that you don't.

I think that I slowly became you just to make you feel comfortable. Just to make you feel like there's nothing you can hide from me. To make you feel like there shouldn't be any secrets. Just us. The same exact person.

"Temptation is the fire that brings up the scum of the heart."--William Shakespeare

You tempted me. I fell. I tempted you. You fell. When we're tired of tempting each other, we get tired of falling for it. It wouldn't be called temptation if we weren't meant to want to give into it as humans. We all have desires, and those temptations seem like they're satisfy those desires. But they only bring you down further. I've learned that they can change you into a completely different person. I'm not going to change into a completely different person just because you wanted me to or because it eventually happened as a result of you.

Maybe the old layer of my heart was better.
This newer layer (although new + fresh) feels dirtier with a different purpose.
Maybe I was better off wearing my broken heart on my face.


PS. Thanks again, Nicole, for sending me those links! You were right! I spent probably an hour or two just flipping through the pictures. Thanks for the new addiction.

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