"oh yes, the past can hurt. but the way i see it, you can either run from it or learn from it."--rafiki from "the lion king"
Today was such a great day.
I can feel that this week is going to be a great week. I've learned that you have to make the decision whether something is going to be good or not. And I've already made the decision that this week is going to be the most fabulous week ever. That is all.
I woke up this morning feeling beautiful. It's okay to feel beautiful. No one should ever change that. And today I learned so much about myself and the people around me. I learned that I could make a jellyfish out of a plastic cup. I learned that you will see people stare, and you will wonder what they're staring at, and all you have to do is smile. I learned that sometimes people will ask you simple questions that only require a simple answer, and sometimes people will ask impossible questions that don't have an answer; either way, you're going to have to answer their question. I learned that you can never go on enough dates with your dad to panera bread. My life is looking more and more beautiful everyday. I love this life, and I would never trade anything up for any other one.
As far as the past:
I can't wait to see where I end up. Because it's going to be so above all of this. I'm not saying that in an arrogant sort of way. I'm just ready for the bright bright future. This journey that I'm on is a rough one. But I like it rough. I wouldn't be moving if it wasn't ahead of me. I feel like I'm always chasing after something, but it's the only way I'm going to go far. I have to run and catch up with what I'm after or else I'll never reach it. I'm doing so well right now, and I finally stopped crying.
I took a modern class today. And it made me realize that dancing is all I have to do right now to keep my heart happy. I danced a stunning combination today to "A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz. That's exactly how I feel right now. I was a beautiful mess out there on that dancefloor today. And even though my technique wasn't perfect or my hamstrings + IT bands were really tight, it didn't matter. I was dancing with all my being. I left my soul on that floor. Nothing should ever pull more energy and emotion from me except for dance. I'm putting my whole life into this art form, and I can't afford to lose myself to anything else. I feel so blessed to have found something that makes me feel beautiful and fearless.
One last thing:
I realized that we can't always get what we want. Except for you. You always get what you want because you have it all. Or you think you have it all. So you use all that deadly charm of yours get what you want. And you get it. You have such a sad story. I feel so bad for you because everything is handed to you. You never work for what you want. And when you do actually put some effort into it, it's out of vanity and ignorance. You're so sinful, and it's all going to catch up to you when you're out there in the real world. But I can't complain about the way you are anymore because you will never change. You will always be the:
bastard that I've gotten to know. The one that I've grown to fall in love with. The one that I've grown to fall out of love with.
And I've never thought I would be letting go of the hot, big shot "man" at our school. But I am so happy that I am.
This week is going to be so beautiful.