Sunday, October 25, 2009

sometimes, what you want the most is what you're better off without.

"oh yes, the past can hurt. but the way i see it, you can either run from it or learn from it."--rafiki from "the lion king"

Today was such a great day.
I can feel that this week is going to be a great week. I've learned that you have to make the decision whether something is going to be good or not. And I've already made the decision that this week is going to be the most fabulous week ever. That is all.

I woke up this morning feeling beautiful. It's okay to feel beautiful. No one should ever change that. And today I learned so much about myself and the people around me. I learned that I could make a jellyfish out of a plastic cup. I learned that you will see people stare, and you will wonder what they're staring at, and all you have to do is smile. I learned that sometimes people will ask you simple questions that only require a simple answer, and sometimes people will ask impossible questions that don't have an answer; either way, you're going to have to answer their question. I learned that you can never go on enough dates with your dad to panera bread. My life is looking more and more beautiful everyday. I love this life, and I would never trade anything up for any other one.

As far as the past:
I can't wait to see where I end up. Because it's going to be so above all of this. I'm not saying that in an arrogant sort of way. I'm just ready for the bright bright future. This journey that I'm on is a rough one. But I like it rough. I wouldn't be moving if it wasn't ahead of me. I feel like I'm always chasing after something, but it's the only way I'm going to go far. I have to run and catch up with what I'm after or else I'll never reach it. I'm doing so well right now, and I finally stopped crying.

I took a modern class today. And it made me realize that dancing is all I have to do right now to keep my heart happy. I danced a stunning combination today to "A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz. That's exactly how I feel right now. I was a beautiful mess out there on that dancefloor today. And even though my technique wasn't perfect or my hamstrings + IT bands were really tight, it didn't matter. I was dancing with all my being. I left my soul on that floor. Nothing should ever pull more energy and emotion from me except for dance. I'm putting my whole life into this art form, and I can't afford to lose myself to anything else. I feel so blessed to have found something that makes me feel beautiful and fearless.

One last thing:
I realized that we can't always get what we want. Except for you. You always get what you want because you have it all. Or you think you have it all. So you use all that deadly charm of yours get what you want. And you get it. You have such a sad story. I feel so bad for you because everything is handed to you. You never work for what you want. And when you do actually put some effort into it, it's out of vanity and ignorance. You're so sinful, and it's all going to catch up to you when you're out there in the real world. But I can't complain about the way you are anymore because you will never change. You will always be the:
bastard that I've gotten to know. The one that I've grown to fall in love with. The one that I've grown to fall out of love with.
And I've never thought I would be letting go of the hot, big shot "man" at our school. But I am so happy that I am.

This week is going to be so beautiful.


Alex said...

It makes me so happy that there's people out there following their dreams.
I sometimes sit down and think that they must be the happiest people here on Earth.
It's really hard for me to follow My dreams. I want to be a dancer, just like you, and go out there so people can see me and say, "Look at her. Look how beautiful she looks."
But how can I follow my journey if I haven't taken a single step?
I don't have the heart and the self esteem to go out there and feel "beautiful". All I can do is sit and watch people following their dreams.
Good luck in everything you do, Bria, I hope that in a few years when I go to New York I'll see you dancing next to Keltie. :D
Love Always,

bria ballerina said...

I feel so blessed to be happy and have a great dream to follow. And everyone should be following and chasing something. You can be that girl everyone wants to look at and say that she's beautiful.
You have to go out and follow that dream, no matter what. No matter what people say. No matter what your own mind is saying to your heart. You have to follow it. Because years later, you're going to think about how much better your life would have been if you didn't hold back. I don't want you to have that feeling, so just go for it!
You will reach it if you just keep believing and having faith in yourself.

It's not how you get there, it's the journey you take to get there. Success is on the way, not in the end.
And remember, things will always be okay in the end. And if it's not okay, it's not the end.