Monday, November 30, 2009

cross my heart. hope to fly.

"you have to promise to keep it just between us..."

I am so sick + tired of being used. And I'm so sick + tired of realizing that I'm letting it happen. It's bad enough that I'm the one that invokes it all, but I continue to let it happen. And I end up just getting angry at myself for something that I let happen. That just doesn't sound fair to me. Sadly, I think the only reason why I do this is to feel like I have a purpose. That I'm actually doing something for them. Kind of like a favor. But I'm so finished with letting this happen to me, and I'm going to end it right here. Right now.

I am also tired of having to find out that people are never who they make themselves to be. Life would be so much easier if the mean, deceitful people looked mean and deceitful, and the kind, beautiful people looked kind and beautiful like they're supposed to. It would make things immensely easier. Unfortunately, that's not the way things are, and we're all just going to have to learn the hard way. It's just never enough to look nice or seem charming. And most of the time, once you start to get to know a person more, you start to realize that they're not the person you thought. Whether it's a friend or a lover. The way you look at that person is going to change. Whether it's for the better or for the worse. And I think that's why people tend to walk away from each other. They either realize that that person isn't what they were before, or they're afraid that if they stick around longer they won't be able to move on, that they'll be too attached to this amazing person that they want to be with more than anything else because they're never seen anything like it. Never loved anything like it.

I've learned that if things are meant to be kept a secret, it's not worth it. I'd like to live in a life of truth, and I can never stand hiding anything behind anyone's back. And whether things end with a shake of hand or kiss on the lips, it should be done with nothing but good intentions. And I've dealt with lies + secrets for so long, that I've realized that they're no fun at all when you're the one keeping your own secret.

It would be wrong for me to say that all boys have nothing but bad intentions. But it seems like all the boys I attract do. And it just doesn't feel right. On the brightside, I'll know when the right boy comes along because I'll be able to tell the difference.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving break. Because I did.


Anonymous said...

You're such an amazing girl. It seems weird to me to be inspired by someone younger than me, but you never fail to make me smile + think. :)
Also, I wondered. Do you only practice ballet or other genres as well? Sheer curiosity. Useless questions just pop in my head sometimes haha.

bria ballerina said...

And never forget that you never fail to make me smile. :)

I train in ballet (this includes pointe), pas de deux (classical ballet partnering), jazz, and modern on a daily basis. However, I've taken many master classes/summer programs which included ballroom, tap, musical theatre, flamenco, hip hop, contemporary, african dancing, and lyrical. Taking different dance styles is always a fun and inspiring experience!

Thanks for being awesome.

Anonymous said...

YOU are the awesome one. :)
I've always wanted to learn ballet but having lots of problems with my ankles, I will never be able to. It sucks. :/
I wish I could practice so many styles on a daily basis! It's terrible to say but sometimes I'd like to have more money so I could take lots of different classes haha. I'm only training in jazz and contemporary for now. I might start ballroom dancing next September if my friend Raphaƫl is still okay with the idea and if my parents can afford it. :)
Thanks for answering my question, friend <3

Ps. Your blog always gets the weirdest captchas to type. Oo'

bria ballerina said...

Taking so many classes can really wear you out and cause problems. But the great part about taking so many different styles of dance is that they all equal out to each other and work different muscles. Like, ballet is all turned out and pulled up. While modern is more grounded and turned in. It's the perfect combination. :)
It's always nice to take different styles. So don't think you can limit yourself because there is no such thing as limits in the dance world! Hope everything works out for you, dear.

Keep dancing,

Anonymous said...

If it was just me, I'd practice as many dance styles as I want, but all the studios I went to asked for a medical aptitude certificate and I never found a doctor who accepted to make one for ballet classes. Apparently my ankles are too fragile, I'd break them again. :( For the rest, I can't force my parents to pay haha. It can get really expensive unfortunately.
But I'll never ever ever let go of dancing. I love jazz and contemporary way too much <3
Do you have a favorite one out of all the dance styles you have experienced?


bria ballerina said... far as the weak ankles, most of the time ballet can help strengthen that! But maybe you can take some physical therapy for it?
It's so nice to hear about other people my age with the same passion as me. It makes me have more faith in our generation.

My favorites are probably pas de deux, musical theatre, and contemporary. Pas because I just love partner dancing in general. The idea that you can feed off of each other's energy is amazing and exhilarating! Musical theatre because I know that it's one of the places I know that I could definitely see myself being successful. It's a place where many short dancers are accepted, and I have such a bursting personality; I'm perfect for Broadway! (I just need to learn how to sing :P ) and Contemporary because it is my forte. It speaks to me more than any other type of dance. Just put on a good song, and I'll improv in contemporary. I love it so much :)

Anonymous said...

I have 6 hours of physical therapy per week. :( I have this problem since I was born. I broke my right ankle twice, and my left ankle fives times, in my sixteen years of life. It didn't happen for two years now, only minor sprains every now and then, so my doctor said I could probably start ballet classes next year. But isn't seventeen too old to take ballet classes?

From that video you posted a little while ago, I think it's safe to say that you have a pretty nice voice!
You just seem good at everything haha. Remember me when you'll be the most wanted Broadway star, huh? :)

Dancing makes me feel so free. This is what I love the most. Whenever I dance, I feel confident, beautiful and invincible. :)
Oh no, the awesome costumes are what I love the most haha. Also... Dancer bodies aren't too bad, are they? ;)

Anonymous said...

And of course, I meant five times without the s at the end of five. --'

bria ballerina said...

Ah, but I bet those PT sessions have really helped if they said that you can start ballet classes next year! It's never too late to begin anything. Especially if you feel like it's meant to be. I say go go go for it!

Oh, I'm working on my voice a lot. I'm thinking about taking voice lessons within the next year or so. Actually, I might go to a studio this weekend to record a couple of my songs, so I'm very excited for that! And I will always remember you. I remember each and every one of you!

Having a happy + healthy body is the best thing about dancing. You feel beautiful physically and spiritually. And that is exactly how I feel when I dance. Absolutely invincible. :)

Anonymous said...

Haha yes, twelve years of physical therapy better have helped! :D Thanks for your advice. I think I'll give it a try if I find a class for beginners of my age. :)

Wow, recording your songs?! That's awesome! Good luck with that.

I think dancing is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever. :)