Wednesday, November 04, 2009

"that's a lot farther away than my dreams tonight"

Don't take this the wrong way, but...
My life is so much better without you.

I feel so much more focused + happy without knowing what you're doing or worrying about what I'm going to do next. I don't have a single regret of any moment we spent together, but I feel like every piece of you that I still hold on to is nothing but lies. But I think that it's your infidelity + lies that make me realize that I'm worth more than I think, and that I just need to find the right boy who will figure that out on his own. I never said that it was going to be easy to move on, but I've pushed through all the hard parts and I'm ready for the easy part. It's never enough to just say that you're done, you really have to finish something that you started. I need to finish this. You're going public soon about you + the other girl, and all I want to do is congratulate you. I don't need you to apologize or feel bad about the situation, I've done enough of that. For the both of us. All you have to do is accept the fact that I'm okay with it and that I'm not going to be in your life anymore. Because you're long gone from mine.

I'm loving the way my life is going for me right now. I can get through a ballet class and not worry about that txt message from you waiting for me at the end of class. I can get through a whole day of school and not think about where you are all day and if you're thinking about me. I can talk to you and laugh at every response you say because I know that you're nothing but a liar. I just love how things work out that way. Gladly, I have better (or worse) things to think about right now...

First show (of many) is this Saturday, and I don't feel like I'm ready. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for this weekend, and it's kind of a test run for how the real thing is going to be. I'm working so hard for what I want and embracing everything that's going wrong right now. It's the best I can do before I can start holding on to things that are great, yet don't exist. I guess that goes for real life, too. I have to hold on to what I have now, but be ready for greater things to make their way into my life. I can't say that I have a new fellow in my heart, because he's been there all along. And I just can't help but think that it's what I've been waiting for.

Because I just love waking up to him saying this:
"i wanted a dream [about you]... so what am i gonna think about all day? ;)"

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