Tuesday, November 24, 2009

we made a hand baby together.

"hey john, i think we should make hand babies again tonight."

"you are so strange......"

If he wasn't so young + lived far far away, this boy would be my boyfriend in a heartbeat. He's an amazing dancer/partner, and even though he's never had a girlfriend, he knows how to respect a girl for who she is and what she's worth. And I can say that I know what that feels like because I recognize what it's like to not be respected for who I am or what I'm worth...

It's so hard to know what you want when everything you ever wanted became something you didn't want anymore.
But it's so easy to know what you want when things you didn't want before are coming your way, and you're going to have to like them whether it's something you want or not.

It's going to be so much harder for me to believe in a guy when he says the things he says. I'm too used to cadences and routines that I'm not really sure when a legitimate original guy says he wants to be with me and actually means it.

I feel like the universe only work when things are meant to be. And tonight was meant to be because all my friends from college were home for the Thanksgiving holiday, and I spent some time with them tonight. I wasn't supposed to be there, but I was. And the universe made sure that nothing bad happened like me getting caught or anything of that matter. Which makes me realize that the universe lets me know when things are meant to be. And it's so comforting. Because this evening could have ended up completely different. Which might also change the way I look at this universe...But when you're spending the evening on a couch with some great friends eating foods loaded with preservatives + trans fat (but you don't really care), you know that times are so good right now. And I only wish that times were good enough for me to stay there all night with all of them...but times aren't that good. ;)

Tomorrow I'm heading up to Maryland to visit some family for thanksgiving. Although this will be my first real "break" all year, I still feel like I won't have much of a break. I've got tons of school work to do, and I'm trying really hard to get ahead so I won't fall behind. Got lots of book reading, paper writing, and crocheting to do before this week is over...Joy.

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