Friday, December 31, 2010

2010.


The sun has set on the last day of 2010, and I've never been more sad to see a year end. This year has been one that I won't ever forget. In just a year, I've met so many people, made so many memories, learned a lot of lessons, made so many mistakes, and started to find my real self. This year has become something so special to me, and it'll be so tough to say goodbye to the ten. But 2011 is the year I've been waiting for ever since I started school. I'm graduating, and I'm starting college in the new year. What could be better?!

I want to thank all of you that read this blog for all your support and kind words. I know that I didn't keep up with the blog as much this year with all the stress I've been under towards the end of this year, but thanks for sticking around. It means a lot. I can't say "thank you" enough, but thank you thank you thank you times infinity! You guys are the best, and please remember that you inspire so much each and every single day. I love you all!

2010
This year was my year. This was the year that I found time to take care of myself and reinvented myself. It was a bumpy ride, but it was well worth it. Everything that I expected out of life, love, myself, and this year came true. It'll take a lot to top this year, but I'm so ready for 2011!
Just a few thoughts on this year...
-I feel like I lost a lot of my innocence this year, haha.
-Love is painful at its worst.
-Love is everything it's supposed to be at its best.
-I've grown closer with octopi, as well as other sea creatures.
-I didn't write much music this year. I'm not happy about that.
-I spent a lot of quality time with the piano this year. I am happy about that.
-I used to believe in "good things come to those who wait" until this year. Either it's "stop waiting and go after it" or "you just never know what's coming for you".
-Fate + destiny are two completely different things.
-I love driving.
-Funny things happen to funny people.
-Sometimes you'll get that apology you've been waiting for, and sometimes you don't. Either way, always forgive.
-I ended last year sick of techno music. Now I can't get enough. Sorry, but no one is going to ruin good music with sexy, fat beats for me. No one.
-I cheated on ice baths quite a lot this year with hot baths.
-I got in trouble a lot this year, but it was all worth it!
-I suck at budgeting money.
-I'm good at getting lost. And getting on the wrong subway.
-Religion is man-made. Faith is personal.
-Fuck deadlines.
-This summer was the best yet.
-A couple of boys I met this summer made me realize that I like green a lot more than I thought.
-Everyone wishes they were a 4H whore.
-NYC + me = a true love.
-I had a wake-up call this summer. I have a long way to go if I want to make it in the dance world. But I have what it takes.
-I met Shu. She's a delight!
-I found my cure.
-I found my savior.
-Skyping is cool. Whoever says it isn't obviously hasn't used it.
-Everything happens for a reason. I can't say that enough. I will never stop believing it.
-College kids would never trick you. Especially if you're a high school kid.
-Happy Hollows is a very special place to me.
-We did it.
-My definition of "walking distance" has changed completely thanks to this summer.
-I've always wanted to be hypnotized. And I got to this year, and I'm kinda bummed that I don't remember it all.
-My caterpillar blue suit is the instant party starter.
-I thought I slacked off a lot last year...until I realized how much I slacked off this year.
-Sporcle.com = procrastination at its finest.
-Girl kisses are all good fun.
-I wish I could wear a tutu in public more often.
-Being a live statue is a lot more fun than you think.
-Having the news channel show your ugly armpits while you're trying to be a pretty live statue isn't fun at all.
-I think the highlight of this semester is writing a 6-page research paper in 3 hours. I am a champ.
-I am so proud of Christina Perri. I've been waiting and waiting for her to get signed, and FINALLY!
-Singing "Jar of Hearts" in the middle of Central Park in a bikini while it's starting to rain is true happiness.
-I find new music faster than I can put it on my iPod.
-I want a Mac. Really really bad.
-Applying for college is stressful as everyone makes it to be. You don't joke around with that kind of stuff.
-I wish there were more hours in the day.
-Every Friday is a Plank Friday.
-Once again, snow has ruined some really fun plans.
-I like the other girl. I really do.
-Why do people walk away when they're scared? We could've been great together.
-Oh well, I'm still happy.
-This is the happiest I've been in a long time. True fax.
-FACT: I love every single one of you.
-MYTH: I'm friends with Keltie. Oh, how I wish...
-FACT: I love blogging.

Here's to the last day of 2010. Live it up you guys. I really hope you guys had much of an amazing year as I did. Because you all deserve it. I wish you all the best for 2011!

See you on the flipside!
xobria

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

colossal times.




Chillin' out in Maryland away from for the holidays has its perks - more things to do, better stores to shop at, and BIG FOOD.
The misconception I think many people have about dancers is that they don't eat. 99.99% of the dancers that I know love to eat. I'm very sad to report that some dance companies and dancers choose to almost starve themselves, but that's not what this post is about. It's about the crazy, large foods that I've been eating on this holiday break. It's probably not a very good idea since I'm not dancing at all, but after tonight I might be fasting for the next week or so...

Tonight my family hit up Chick and Ruth's Delly to see the colossal milkshake in person. We're a big fan of Man vs Food at my house, and we had to take advantage of being in the vicinity of some of the featured foods on the show. My sister, my two cousins, and I took on the challenge of drinking the 6lbs milkshake. I say that we were very lucky and smart share the huge drink among the four of us; I couldn't imagine drinking the whole thing on my own in my entire lifetime...
But we did it! After a couple of hours and a lot of people walking by the window in awe of the giant drink in the center of our table, we finished it. We all feel like a tub of lard after, but we were proud of finishing what we started. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go burp a little more...

xobria


the end.

PS. And we went here for dinner yesterday...Big Mama is quite the character! She is hilarious!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

overthinking.


With the new year approaching, I've been thinking...
I hate to get all cliché and all, but I remember being in middle school and counting down the years until graduation. And although every single year the number decreased, the amount of time still seemed long and far away. 2011 is around the corner, and I never thought I would see that year in a million years! That's what it felt like anyway, but it's my graduation year, and it's practically here! It's exciting yet bittersweet at the same time, and I'm really excited to bring in the year 2011!!

I remember last year I ended the year with a broken healing heart. I remember being tired of being tired and sad. I was sick of being lovesick and lying to myself. So I made a promise to myself that the new year would bring on a new me and a new heart. And looking back I see that a lot has changed yet a lot has stayed the same. Heartbreaker and I are still as strange as we ever were. But my heart has moved on and found a love that is irreplaceable and something that I have only dreamt about in my wildest, high-school dreams.

One thing is for sure: I'm not ending this year thinking about Heartbreaker at all. I promise you all that. And I promise myself that.
xobria

Saturday, December 25, 2010

merry christmas!


Merry Christmas, all!! As a Christmas present, I thought I would give you my blog back, haha. I hope you guys like the new layout! That's me in the Cinderella costume up there!


I haven't been up to much the past few days. And although my blog wasn't up, I kept posting things because I knew people still wanted to "read my thoughts" (I've been getting all sorts of things in my Formspring inbox...). I'm busy spending Christmas with my family in Maryland, and I've created this little Christmas card with me and Goochy. I hope that it brings you the joy of Christmas!


It seems like everyone is having a good Christmas this year, and I wish that and more for all of you as well. I'm back and better than I was a few days ago that's for sure.


Merry Christmas!
xobria


PS. 8 days!


Friday, December 24, 2010

if i could win the lottery, we'd sail across the world.

I want a teepee for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

different, yet the same.

"bria, i have to get something off my chest. if you didn't have a boyfriend..."

It seems that each time I spend with Heartbreaker he becomes less and less attractive to me. I remember in the beginning I thought he was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But now I look and wonder what it was that I fell in love with in the first place. Sure, there's still that little feeling inside me that feels like an elementary school crush that just makes me want to give him a big hug for no reason. But I got so attached to him, that now it's all completely lost. But I'm not sad about it at all.

He said something to me on the way home that made my heartbreak a little just like he's good at doing. And I just looked at him and didn't say a word. But the look on my face just said "It's too late." There are things that I've only dreamt of him saying to me, but now that I'm in love with someone else they mean something completely different when he says them in real life. And I'm secretly loving how I'm making him feel about me being happy without him.

Sweet revenge from doing nothing but believing in love and saying "no" to those that hurt me. You should do the same.
xobria

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

the mug and the christmas party.

the mug.

Today I forced myself to get out of the house because I had to go to the company Christmas party! The company Christmas party is always fun because we do Secret Santa every year, and it's always fun to buy presents! I bought my person a bunch of socks (she's a sock person), but she ended up not being there tonight because she was sick as well. I, on the other hand, am sick and still went. However, I ended up keeping to myself with a mug of hot apple cider to avoid from getting others sick too. We got to watch the Nutcracker performance from the Friday school show, and it looked great! The new snow costumes and headpieces looked amazing. There was something missing from tonight's Christmas party though - Pedro. He's in Richmond dancing with the Richmond Ballet for their performance of the Nutcracker. So we all sent him our toy-toy's, and I sent him a basket full of Godiva chocolate.



As a result of making myself get out of the house today, I felt like I was going to pass out. So I ended up leaving the party a little early, but I was very happy that I got to spend some Christmas time with my 2nd family <3

xobria

PS. I would like to introduce you to my new pet! My Secret Santa got me this! His name is Goochy!

Friday, December 17, 2010

mother, father. i'm ill.

"hunger hurts, and i him so bad. oh, it kills cause i know i'm a mess he don't want to clean up..."

I'm a mess.
My head hurts. My temperature is 102. My throat kills.
Yesterday was our first snow day of the year, and I woke up at 2 in the afternoon with a migraine and a high fever (I guess that's what you get for hanging out in a guest cottage with no heating for 3 hours). I'm a wee bit better today besides the fever. I've taken up the challenge of reading the entire Harry Potter series over break. I used to be a big Harry Potter fan but stopped reading after the 4th book. Not really sure what happened and why I stopped reading, but I'm going to fix that.

Back to Mr. Tylenol PM and Harry Potter...
xobria

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

tea and techno.


I feel like my winter break is going to consist of a lot of tea and techno...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

i will send all my loving to you.


I would always read about Keltie's holiday season without her beau, and I would feel bad for her. I always just felt bad, but that's only because I've always been single on Christmas and I don't know what that's like. But this year, I'm feeling her pain. I'll be without him for Christmas, and Keltie was right. It's not a very good feeling.


I believe in love in ways that people would think were mere fantasy. But I think that the fact that not many people believe in love the same ways I do makes it all the more special.  Don't be afraid to believe in love with ways you do because when you find someone that believes in the exact same thing you'll know that it's something special.


Tomorrow I'll wake up tasting cigars and whipped cream.
Tomorrow I'll be smelling you.
Tomorrow I'll be missing you.
xobria

i'm in college.


I got my first college acceptance letter. 
WOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!!
All my fears of not getting into college have been relieved!! One down, eight more to go....

Monday, December 13, 2010

losing track of time.


The day back to school after the magical weekend of Nutcracker is always a tough one. Even leaving the theatre after the last show is a heartbreaking moment. Because for 30 minutes you're surrounded by "fans" that want to take a picture with you and ask for your autograph. You're covered in glitter that is sticking to you because of all the sweat from all the hard work. And then after those 30 minutes, you walk out the back entrance in sweatpants, with 5 bags in hand, juggling a couple of bouquets, and your face smelling like a baby's butt. Yet, that's the very thing that I live for.


School is so foreign to me right now. I missed a couple days last week, but it feels like I missed a week. I guess I wasn't paying attention at all during theatre week from sleep deprivation and anticipation for the exciting weekend. But I am very proud of myself for writing a 6 page research paper last night in a mere 3 hours. I am a champ. However, rather than catching up on schoolwork I'm crafting more Christmas presents. Maybe I'm not much of a champ after all...


xobria

Sunday, December 12, 2010

jolly good show.

"bria! there's a long line of people in the front waiting to take a picture with you!"

It's over. It's over........
Becoming a part of this company, I never saw this moment. Right now. Never in a million years did I ever picture myself being the one that all the younger girls would be crying about at the end of the show when the curtain went down. I thought that I would be strong enough to not cry. But I did. We all did. We started crying even when the curtain was still up. The seniors were all standing in a row for bows, and Pedro walked onstage with a bouquet of roses for my best friend (the Sugar Plum Fairy). And the way he looked at her, the way he looked at all of us, made us all tear up right there in front of the entire audience. We did the final bow with tears rolling down our faces but with smiles. It was such an amazing night.

The day started earlier than planned because we had to re-space Snow. A girl jumped into a completely new spot for her to take the place of the girl that got hurt yesterday (she's doing fine. She's in a brace and on crutches. She'll be seeing a doctor within the next week or so, and she half-heartedly happily watched from the audience this evening). Thankfully, the Snow scene is something that has been the same since the beginning of time, so she learned it in a matter of a few runs and approximately an hour of rehearsal. Doing the warm-up this morning, I looked around at everyone, and I could see it - we were tired. We've had a long week. We didn't want to be tired, but we just were. The stage floor is hard, and our shins hurt. Our faces were dry from all the stage make-up. Despite all of that, we had to keep the energy up. The audience wasn't going to pay money to see us all be tired onstage. So we perked it up and got ready for one last bangin' Nutcracker show.

I was praying that history wouldn't repeat itself today...in the past I've fallen and messed up miserably during the Sunday show. I've tripped and fallen practically on my face. I messed up some steps. I did 4 less fouettes than I was supposed to. For some reason, the Sunday show was never a good show for me, but this year I was determined to make sure that didn't happen. I said double the number of "I'm fearless"-es than I normally do and caressed the floor the best that I could (me and my strange rituals) just so that I wouldn't mess up the last show of my senior Nutcracker. And just like I prayed, nothing went wrong. Like I said earlier this week, for some reason, this year's Nutcracker is super magical!

After we all wiped our tears from our senior moment onstage, we all continued on to the parade. The Executive Director on the board of the company came running to me and said, "Bria! There's a long line of people waiting in the front waiting to take a picture with you!" And I couldn't believe it. Tai happily followed me to the front to see the little girls and boys waiting for me. It's a strange feeling knowing that these people don't know me at all, yet they liked me as if they knew me. People told me things that made me nearly tear up. Every single year I'm reminded why I do this. As dancers, we have to make our audience feel something. The number of autographs and pictures from year to year don't matter at all. It's the little things that people say when they shake my hand and whisper in my ear. They mean the world to me.


I really hate to say goodbye to this year's Nutcracker. It's been one hell of a ride and probably one of the best.
Thanks for being good to me, Nutcracker 2010. Hugs and kisses. Farewell...


xobria

Saturday, December 11, 2010

praypraypray.

"you just light up a stage...when there were many people onstage, i could only keep my eyes on you."

Tonight was the first public show!
The day started off with yet another photoshoot for Cinderella which is coming up in a few months. It's unbelievable! Taking pictures in the costume with my fairy godmother and prince charming made me feel a little anxious and nervous for the actual show...but we also took some pictures for some other promotional ads. We took some in the kickline costume, and I really can't wait to see how they turn out! I really hope we look as good as the Rockettes...if that's even possible.

The show tonight was fantastic. My best friend danced the part of Clara, and we all are so proud of her. We became a little teary-eyed at the end of the show when we realized that it was over, but we were all smiles again when we realized how amazing of a show it was. We all kicked butt, and we couldn't help but be happy and proud of ourselves. I danced a demi-soloist part in the Waltz of the Flowers, and I couldn't help but think about last year when I danced as Dewdrop. That night was so magical and unbelievable. The feeling in the air tonight is a little different though...

Tonight my alternate for Arabian got hurt. She slipped on some confetti during curtain call bows, and her knee gave out. It popped out, and it popped back in. After her great big bow, she limped into the line. She stood in front of me shaking and faking a smile. I couldn't even imagine the pain she was feeling at the moment, but I could tell that it was a lot. She was shaking. Tears were forming in her eyes, yet she still had a smile on her face because we were still onstage and that curtain was still up. After bows, the curtain fell, and Pedro ran onstage and scooped her up into her arms and rushed her into the dressing room. We were all panicking and afraid of what this would mean for us. But just like she did, we had to fake smiles to go out and parade for the public. Not to our surprise, a lot of people noticed her slip and were asking if she was alright. We couldn't give a straight answer. A few minutes later, we saw Pedro walking around.

He approached me, and I asked for a picture. But after the picture, I could tell that he was still worried for her. He told me that I was going to have to dance three parts tomorrow to make-up for the loss. He wasn't happy to make changes in the casting, but this is show biz; you gotta do what you gotta do. I was ready to take on the three parts and dance all three, and the rumors floated around too fast. And the plans kept on changing. In the end, Pedro found a better plan. A returning senior graduate from last year was back home from college and came to the show tonight to support us all, and luckily Pedro caught her before she left to ask her to dance with us in the show tomorrow. She couldn't say "no" to more memories and crazy times backstage, so tomorrow she will be dancing the part of Spanish Chocolate. And I will be able to keep to my on-schedule 2 part show. The evening took an interesting turn for the better and worst, but all we can do is pray and hope for the best.

xobria

on a lighter note...this is completely normal of the four of us. best friends forever <3

Friday, December 10, 2010

the (last) school show.

"in all seriouness..."

The school show has always been one of my favorite parts about Nutcracker season. I remember my very first Nutcracker with the company...we got to go out after the show and talk to all the little kids that came to the show. Only company members got to go out and speak with the kids. It didn't matter if you were a party girl or a Russian corps dancer - you went out and conversed with the kids. Some of them were so amazed to see the cotumes up close and were able to touch them. I loved seeing their faces full of delight and awe from the classic holiday ballet. But for some reason, that was the last year we ever got to go out and parade after the school show. I miss doing that. I wish we still did that...

Regardless of not being able to do the parade after the show, the show went really great! There's something special about this year's Nutcracker. Maybe it's because I'm a senior and it's my last one and it's everything I could ever ask for from my senior year. Maybe, just maybe. But still, this year seems so much more magical than in the past. We had a really good crowd today as far as the schools go. The best is when they still clap even when you mess up. It makes you smile bigger and point that foot even harder than you were before. When I did Arabian today, a lot of them clapped when I did a split. I just giggled a little on the inside because a split is such a common thing that doesn't amaze many dancers anymore. And in the end, it was very bittersweet to know that next year I won't be joining the company for a school performance of the Nutcracker. I won't wake up at 5am to be at the theatre at 7am in my glasses, make-up-free face, fuzzy socks, and coffee in hand. I won't be sneaking donutholes into the dressing room. I won't be getting "good luck" texts from my friends that are sitting in class at school while I'm getting ready for the opening of the show. And I'll miss it so much...

But it's not the end yet! We've still got 2 more shows! And thank God. I don't think I can say goodbye to Nutcracker 2010 just yet...
xobria

Thursday, December 09, 2010

one...


Thankfully I got to stay home from school today to rest up for the next three days/shows I've got ahead of me. And I spent the day sleeping in, cleaning my room, and icing my feet as I crafted some Christmas presents. So I would say it was a rather good day.
Tonight's rehearsal was Cast B, so I danced as a Snowflake and Violet. Also, my little brother joined me in the rehearsal this evening since he's in this cast with me. He was quite excited to get the costume and makeup on, and from what I heard, he did a very good job. I pray he doesn't get ill again this year for the actual show! As usual, flowers had to stay after everyone else to work on spacing and timing. Flowers this year has been all over the place, but thank goodness that we're finally getting it right...the day before the first show, ha. But better late than never, I always say! But tonight my feet are starting to get very angry at me from all the dancing, so I've got them in buckets of ice. I've got a crochet project sitting next to me with a big mug of hot tea accompainied by a couple of Tylenol PM's. See you all at 7am tomorrow morning!

One last list...
-I'm crafting a cigar box for a bunch of boys. They're going to love it.
-I love making fun of people when they make a typo when they text.
-Fridat shit.
-Plank Fridat.
-I still haven't figured out what it is about ice baths that I love so much.
-I really should be worried about how much school I'm missing today and tomorrow...oh, well.
-Forgive me, I'm a senior.
-Last Nutcracker school show tomorrow morning?! I don't believe it......

xobria

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

two...


Tonight was dress rehearsal numéro un! By this day in the week, we're all just tired. Nothing more, nothing less. Just tired. But we've got to keep the energy up. We were all excited to wear the new snowflake costumes that Mrs. Long has worked hard on for the past few months. We're the first girls to ever wear them, and we all feel honored. Mrs. Long has a way with stitches and tulle, and her hardwork is appreciated when we all look beautiful in the white tulle on that stage. And we were all looking forward to jamming hundreds of bobbypins into our heads with these new headpieces that Mr. Pedro has handmade. Yes. He handmade each headpiece one-by-one. He certainly can work some magic outside the dance studio as well. He told us that each headpiece is made of about 250 beads. That's a lot of beads, and a lot of headpieces. Thank you, Mr. Pedro!

Tonight's run through went well. I was Arabian tonight, and I'm so comfortable with this dance it's not even funny. I've wanted to dance this dance ever since my first Nutcracker in grade four. And I finally have it, and I couldn't love a dance in Nutcracker anymore than I love Arabian Coffee (okay, maybe the SugarPlum Grand Pas. But I like it mostly for the music). There were a lot of great pictures taken tonight by the one and only Dan McDilda! You can check them out here! We have one more dress rehearsal to go, then it's showtime!

The list:
-I missed Keltie's special live video chat on Facebook tonight because rehearsal went on longer than expected. I was still dancing in the Land of Sweets while a bunch of you were listening to Keltie read and being book nerds and super dorks with her.
-A college called me tonight and conducted an interview while I was half naked backstage in the dressing room in between Act I and Act II. Good thing I wasn't in opening of Act II, and I hope I get into that college.
-I come home to no food. It must be theatre week/the van broke down again week.
-I have a 100 in English again. I can't complain.
-One week until my love leaves for Europe and leaves me alone for the holidays.
-One week until Heartbreaker returns and asked to spend time with me again.
-The girls backstage are really starting to appreciate my taste in music because it's perfect for getting ready for a show. They all agree that I would be a good DJ. Must get it from the boyf ;)
-And I can't get enough of foreign singers...

xobria


et nous n'avons plus rien à risquer.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

three...


Tonight was Act I rehearsal at the Theatre. So this meant a lot of waiting around till all of Party Scene and Battle Scene of both casts rehearsed so that all the little kids can go home early. So Senior Company is left last to rehearse Snow late at night. Once again I watched my little brother get all excited about being on the big stage. He's so cute as a party boy, and he looks so tiny from offstage! It's cute because his partner is a good foot taller than him. He is quite the ladies' man.

Starting to get tired...
-I sewed a pair of new pointe shoes tonight and wore them for Snow tonight. Boy, do my toes feel better.
-I didn't have a pair of scissors with me while I was sewing my pointe shoes, so I used a geometry compass to cut the thread. You never know what you can use a compass for!
-Remember the Humping Chair? Yeah, I do too.
-I have a difficult time trying not to sound cheesy.
-Most ballerinas have a good sense of bathroom humor.
-There's something about that coffee shop...

See you on the flipside!
xobria

Monday, December 06, 2010

four...


It's here, folks - Nutcracker Theatre Week 2010.
I've got a busy week ahead of me, and I already feel like it's going to be a long week. It's good to be back here. I truly love the theatre, and even just being there for rehearsal in a leo + tights instead of a costume of tulle is such a wonderful feeling. I fall in love with the way the chairs in the house look from the stage. I fall in love with the scenery and the ropes that pull up the legs and curtains. I fall in love with the dark hallways backstage and the hot lights around the makeup mirrors. I'm in love with being at the theatre, so I'm more than happy to be here every single day of the week.

Here I am going off on my own to charge my laptop and trying to get some homework done between my cues onstage. I've got my pancaked pointe shoes for Arabian and my grandma sweater on. Very typical of theatre week. And of course leave it to me to wait till the last minute to sew new pointe shoes and jet glue these pancaked ones. Pedro usually tells us not to wear new pointe shoes onstage, but I'm breaking the rules before I break my ankle on these super dead pointe shoes.

Today was Act II, and I must say that I think that it was a pretty smooth run through. Besides Flowers (big surprise), everything only had to be danced once. The guest artist and arriving tomorrow, and we're all anxious to see what he's like.

First Theatre Week list!
-Please warn everyone before you peel a grape. It could be deadly.
-I must say, I have the best handmaidens for Arabian. They look fierce and make me look good at the same time too!
-Is it even possible to have a 16.67%?
-When I wasn't working on homework, I was crocheting. In my grandma sweater. How appropriate.
-I bought my first Moleskin journal today. Too bad it's not for me...
-My little bro should not be at the theatre this late at night.
-Who's that guy, and what is he doing here? ...oh. That's a girl...?

Till tomorrow...
xobria

Sunday, December 05, 2010

final rehearsals.


This weekend has been quite a long one.
Yesterday, I danced all day from 9 to 6. Just a tad longer than the average work day, but instead I'm doing werk. This weekend was the final put-togethers before theatre week starts tomorrow. I had a rather easy day yesterday doing only Snow and Arabian. However, we all felt Mr. Pedro's stress from the pressure of putting on a great show because he continued to yell at certain dancers. He made threats of cutting people. He made them do it over and over and over again until there wasn't a mistake in sight. He shouted corrections and yelled names. But this is what it takes to create a wonderful show. Honestly, we were all scared of Pedro. He's the type of person that rarely gets mad, but when he does get mad, it isn't pretty. I admire Pedro's discipline and constant pushing to do our best because we need to get in the habit of always doing so. We all shut our mouths and did what he asked because he wasn't happy. He looked truly upset and disappointed in how we were dancing yesterday. But in the midst of his rage and disappointment, his sad face turned into a smile because of me.
I was cold and had slipped my arms into my sweatpants making the pant legs long sleeves and my head sitting on the top of the waist of the pants. Pedro took one look at me, smirked, giggled, and said, "Bria, you make my day." Leave it to me to brighten up your day no matter what. I'm always that girl that can brighten up your day but can't brighten up her own.
I waited until the last minute (I'm really good at that) to get new pointe shoes for the theatre next week, so I dealt with dead pointe shoes all weekend. But JetGlue is my savior. It works wonders. If I were to only have a set number of pointe shoe essentials for when you're really in pain from them being dead or from an ingrown toenail/blister/bruised toenail/missing toenail/etc., they would be: 2nd skin, Orajel, toe tape, and JetGlue.

Today was a little shorter day dancing from noon to five in preparation for the long theatre week coming up. My brother joined me today in the studio for rehearsal, and he keeps improving every single time I watch him. He has so much natural talent that it almost wants to make me kill myself. He has naturally gorgeous feet and nice legs for long lines; it's not fait. But I've come to love what I've got and be nothing but proud of my little bro. Every once and a while, he would get the wrong foot, but I was the exactly same way. He loves to do it, and that's all that matters.
i was only a Snowflake + a Violet today, and as usual, Flower was a wreck. But on the plus side, my group of Petals and Leaves is always perfect. Thanks, girls. The reason why the girls in my group are always together and on the right marks is because I push them there. I admit it. Sometimes I do feel bad that I push and shove them into the right places and to make them go faster, but I have permission from Pedro and Rebecca that I can do so. I've learned that - especially when dancing in a corps group - being together and looking uniform is important. And if that means being pushed around to look exactly like everyone else, then that's what it's going to take. I'm going to be honest and say that it's taken me a long time to understand that knowing how to work and dance with a corp group is an important tool that every dancer should have. You won't always be the lead role. You won't always be front and center doing 32 fouettes or tombé pas de bourrés. Sometimes you'll be in the back and just standing there for 15 minutes in one pose and you can't move. I've been that position, believe me. And now that I think about it, I wish when I was younger that an older girl would push me around and put me in my place to understand the importance of a ballet corps. It would've saved me from being yelled at often...

Nutcracker 2010 is finally here.
And my last performance with SVB is in one week.
I don't think I'll be able to hold it together. But bring it on, Theatre Week.
xobria

Friday, December 03, 2010

dicken around.


Tonight we danced outside at the annual opening of the Christmas festival downtown called Dickens of a Christmas. Last year I mentioned it a little bit and briefly talked about how cold it was, and I'm glad that I didn't go into much detail about the temperatures last year because this year was far worse. Last year it was a meek 40 degrees, but this year it was a biting 27 degrees with high winds. It was probably not a good idea to be dancing out there in a leotard and tights, but the people came for a show, so we were there to give them one. That's show biz...
We were moved to a different location this year which made the walk to the stage a little more exhausting and less discrete. A nearby bank let us use their lobby as a dressing room and recooperating area before we were to run 20 yards to the stage in the freezing cold. We were allowed to wear our peacoats and pants down to the stage, but as soon as the dance preceding yours took the stage, you had to strip down to your costume. People in the audience wrapped around the stage and into the streets. Some audience members were right beside me as I continued to keep warm by doing jumping jacks and high-knees, but I didn't pay any attention to them and their remarks. I had to focus. It's not easy dancing on a plywood stage with a thin bit of fabric keeping your body warmth in and still keeping grace in your every step and a pleasant look on your face. I performed Cinderella and the kickline - It's Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas.

My Cinderella variation surprisingly went better tonight than I thought I did at the Nutcracker Ball! I was definitely shocked because the only difference was the setting - this one was a little less formal and a little more chilly. But I had a costume malfunction in the middle of my variation...my shoe started coming off! I know I'm Cinderella, but in the actual ballet I'm supposed to perform this dance as soon as I get to the ball, so my shoe started coming off about an hour too early! I just got to the ball, damnitt! Good thing people don't take it too seriously, and I quickly pulled up the heel of my shoe before I got kicked out of the ball.
The show closed out with the kickline, and it was the best we've ever done it! We knew that with a few more rehearsals that the kickline would be looking polished and perfect for the last time we would ever have to perform it. And as usual, the crowd loved it. It's the closest thing many of them will ever see to a Rockette show, although I do wish that everyone could go see a Rockette show (including me). But they all loved it. And after we strutted offstage, we stopped pretending we weren't cold and ran back to the bank lobby to get back into our peacoats and sweatpants and rip off our fake eyelashes.

At the end of the night, we all walked out of the bank lobby with black smudges on our face from makeup wipes' attempts at making us look street-appropriate, sweatpants, and 5 bags on our shoulders and in our hands. We look bag ladies just going to Dicken's of a Christmas for a good time. We walked past the stage and it was empty. No one was surrounding the stage anymore. But the big christmas tree was right behind it looking pretty and bright just like it should. We seniors got a little teary eyed, both from the blowing winds and the sadness of our last performance at Dicken's of a Christmas, and we walked off to get some hot chocolate and kettle corn.

Are you starting to get into the Christmas spirit?
xobria

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the beginning of the end.


All college stuffs due tomorrow. And I'll be all yours...
xobria

PS. And all these itchies will go away.

Friday, November 26, 2010

a meeting with heartbreaker.


-douglas couplan
  Today I met up with Heartbreaker.
He's back in town for the holidays, but will be back to his perfect, sunny life by Sunday. Before he arrived back into town, he asked me if I would like to meet up and catch up on lost times. I had no idea what I was getting myself into talking to him again in the first place, and I was legitimately afraid of what was going to happen if I were going to meet up with him. Questions kept running through my mind...Has he changed? Does he miss me? Will he tell me everything I dream of him telling me? Will I be able to look into his eyes and feel nothing? Will we still be the same?
...the list goes on. Despite the uneasy feeling I was getting in the bottom of my gut and the depths of my heart, I agreed to meet up with him.

We met up in a coffee shop (just like old times). His hair looked terrible. And we both ordered tea. I remember the first time we had tea together and did nothing but look into each others' eyes in silence...it was painful sitting across from him because I kept having flashbacks of the times we spent together and the friendship we shared. He looked back at me with a different set of eyes - ones that have seen and experienced more - and spoke with a different pair of lips - ones that were telling new stories of the liquor they have sipped and lips they have kissed. But the pain went away when I told him about the relationship I am in now. He admitted that it was strange to know that my heart belonged to another, and I couldn't help but feel happy about telling him about how much better I am without him.

However, the evening took a turn for the strange and heart-pulling when we started reminiscing about old times. He took me home in the car that I miss, and he showed me music like he always does. We did the usual fist pumping and "holy shit"-ing to the fat beats bumping through his great speakers. We talked about the sexciting (I invented this new word. Get into it) times used to have, and he uttered the words, "We are very passionate lovers."
And my heart was pulled back just a few more steps, and I couldn't help but be confused for a few moments. My heart has wanted him to love me and take me for the longest time, but my head kept telling me that he was bad news. But I quickly remembered the reason I got happy while we were sipping on coffee - I am so much better without him. His true feelings and the truth about our "unfinished business" may be coming out now, but I could truly care less.

I love him in the past.
We're still close as best friends could be. But nothing more.
And I'm okay with that.
xobria


we were never meant to be this damn broken
words were never meant to be this half-spoken

Thursday, November 25, 2010

thank god for benadryl.

I woke up this morning with hives all over my face and my eyes swollen shut. I have no idea what it was from, but I took Benadryl and spent most of the day sleeping, only waking up to eat Thanksgiving dinner and write this blog post. (I had to take ugly pictures with a hive-covered face, but they're too embarrassing to put up on this blog...)I do one of these every year, so here it goes...

1. the universe. you throw the craziest things at all of us, but you know it's for the best. and somehow, through you, we're all connected.

2. my family. Familiy is always there, no matter what.

3. best friends. My list of best friends seems to grow every year. They're all like sisters to me.

4. tai. Oh, boyfriend...thank god I'm not the only book nerd, techno obsessed, and fashionista in this world.

5. dance. One of the few things I'm sure about in life. One of the many things that make me happy. The only thing that I will never stop living.

6. food, clothing, shelter. We often take these things for granted. Just think for a split second everyday that you're lucky. Really lucky.

7. music. It brings us all together in the most amazing ways - in the record stores, on the dancefloor, and on the stage. And I'm so thankful that I get the opportunity to create my own music and learn how to play different instruments.

8. books. Book nerds forever <3

9. hot tea, a snuggie, and my pup. The perfect equation for a lovely evening.

10. the golden hour. Realizing that you're surroundings are beautiful make you love life a little more everyday.

11. heartbreaker. I think about you everyday and how much you screwed me over. And I couldn't be more thankful that you did.

12. keltie colleen. Ms. Keltie. Everyday I wonder when I'm going to meet you and try not to act like a little fan girl. But I really must say that you inspire me to be my very best as a dancer, artist, lover, and child of the universe. Thank you for being you, a wonderful dancer and role model, and being the best for all of us in your army.

13. movies. Forever and always a movie junkie.

14. high school. It's been quite the four years (not over yet!). You've taught me the best and worst things about people, but I'm forever thankful. Sorry to say that I'm not going to miss you too much.

15. really high heels. They make my little legs look a bit longer. Thank you, 5-inch pumps.

16. fashion designers. Although your models make me feel even shorter and even more self-conscious about the way I look, you're always inspiring me to discover my own personal style and to not be afraid of things I want to wear.

17. laughter. They say laughing makes you live longer. At this rate, I'm going to live for forever. Thanks, laughter.

18. love. I know people are afraid of you sometimes - myself included - but the Beatles said it best: "All you need is love."

19. hugs + kisses. I'm a hugger and a kisser.

20. you. Every single one of you that read my blog inspire me so much every single day. I know there aren't many of you, but each and every one of you give me confidence and reassurance that maybe I can really achieve my dreams. You're always there sending me good vibes for an audition and wishing me well on my next performance, and every little bit helps! So thank you so much for all the support, love, and sweet tweets you all send me. You all are everything I could ask for plus more, so thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! And an infinity times more!

Now time to go back to sleep...
xobria

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

RRR.

"i tried not to use the word 'hate', even though it poured out of my heart." - keltie colleen; rockettes, rockstars, and rockbottom

Last night, after I cam home from dance class, I noticed a package sitting on the kitchen counter with my name on the front. I didn't recognize the return address, but when I opened it up, I screamed. It was Keltie's book. The one that I had ordered a long time ago, and it was finally here!

Rather than paying attention during the last day of school before the Thanksgiving break, I decided to keep my nose buried in Keltie's book all day. And I finished it. And I'm left in tears and a happy heart. Keltie has been through a lot, and reading her book has changed the way I look at her for the better. I don't think people give her enough credit for how far she has come, but she deserves a standing ovation. I was left crying from the book being over, from the feeling of how proud I am of Keltie, and from the connection I made with certain parts of the book. The last part, about Dreamer, hit me the hardest. I've dealt with a liar and a cheat, and he's a heartbreaker. (So from now on, I shall refer to him as Heartbreaker.) And all the words that I kept silent and deep within my heart were written right there on the page in front of me, and I couldn't help but be reminded of the hurt feeling that Heartbreaker caused me.

On the other hand, tears formed in my eyes from the happy heart beating in my chest. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't the only one that has been screwed over. I think that all the people that have had their hearts broken have a secret club and alliance. It's formed with all the pieces of our hearts that are left, and somehow that's enough to make it.

But most of all, I connected most for her hunger for love, art, and life as a whole. People live for different things, and I lived for what Keltie lived for as I read this book. It was a roller coaster of feelings and events, but I felt. A lot. And that's all that matters. And as a hungry and aspiring artist in this generation, I look up to people like Keltie that do nothing but keep pushing forward, don't take 'no' for an answer, and make doubters turn into believers. You can live for computer science. You can live for psychology. You can live for the potatoes that grow in your backyard. You live for something. And it just so happens that Keltie (as well as many of us) live art and the discovery of true love. You know you're one of them...
I am so proud - we're so proud - of Keltie and the success she has thus far in her life. However, there is so much more for her in the upcoming future! And we all know we can't wait to see what is in store for her next!

Please buy her book at http://www.deadxstop.com/!

Happy reading!
xobria
PS. Kelts, when are you going to do a book reading at my Barnes + Noble?! I'll be your worker bee for free! (You like that rhyming there?)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

my worst nightmare.


My first love and my true love are standing in front of me. Which one do I choose?
This is my worst nightmare.

One never forgets how a certain person made you feel. Especially our first love. And people think that the fact that he broke my heart would make me fall out of love with him, but it did exactly the opposite. It made my love for him become stronger because I realized that even through all the pain, I still loved him. Through all the ugly lies and hollow promises, my love for him grew and so did our friendship. We became close friends, confidants, and companions.

It's been over a year since he broke my heart, but I still think about it everyday. How the pain has made me a stronger person and a better lover. How it has created the ideal version of love in my mind. How it has left a lasting memory on my heart that I will never be able to forget.

I always choose love.
But what if both your options were both things that you love?
xobria

Sunday, November 21, 2010

like cinderella at the ball.

"do your best bevel, ladies!"
Last night was a magical evening of dancing, dancing, and dancing.
The Nutcracker Ball is a fun night of fundraising, and I just love seeing all the people that come to support the company. (And it's funny to watch them get more and more tipsy throughout the night.) Everyone was all smiles all night.
Last year was the first time I ever got to dance at the Nutcracker Ball, and I was invited to dance again this year.

The day started off early as usual at 9 o' clock. I loved watching everyone walk in with the dresses they were to wear that night and the heels they'd force their swollen toes into. And our teenage girl minds couldn't focus on the rehearsal we were supposed to be mentally present in, and Pedro noticed. We ran most of Act II with a few extras. My little brother is doing Nutcracker this year (last year, he got ill the day of the show, so he didn't get to perform it), and I am so proud of him. He's a tiny little 8 year old, that looks like he's still 5, that is dancing as a party boy in the party scene. I love watching him dance because he has so much fun, and he's a fast learner. Not to mention, he has natural talent with better feet than I have and natural flexibility. It's not fair! Anyway, as soon as we finished rehearsal, we excitedly headed to the Hotel Roanoke downtown. We saw the familiar ballroom, but there were different decorations this year. The ladies that put the decor together always work their magic. (How many times do I say that the ladies behind the curtain work their magic?)

We quickly marked and rehearsed our pieces on the dancefloor, and we were almost ready to start the ball. Pedro had one thing to say to me after I rehearsed my Cinderella variation: "Let the feeling overwhelm you. Feel like you're in heaven. Feel like you're in a ballroom like this." I looked all around me, and I saw the fancy tables and the chandeliers. And I was in heaven. I'm living a dream life that some girls my age wish they could live. Dancing every weekend and performing on a stage for a group of people that want nothing more than to support you. He gave me one last kiss on the top of my head and said his usual "Now go get beautiful...not that you're already beautiful."

We all got into the costume we were to wear for the first hour, where we all greeted the people as they entered the ballroom. We directed them towards the silent auctions going on as well as offering them a balloon. In this balloon, there was a slip of paper that said a prize on them, and we were to sell these balloons for some fast cash. I used this opportunity to be a better salesman and more marketable, and I failed miserably. I'm too good at being awkward around people I don't know and afraid of what dorky thing I could utter next. Before I knew it, all the balloons were gone, and we were sent back to the make-shift dressing room to get ready for the show.

I danced my Cinderella variation, but I wasn't too satisfied with how it went. But it sounds like my prince, as well as the other dancers did better. And the kickline went really well! It was a hit with the crowd, and I could see that they really enjoyed seeing such a holiday spirit filled dance. I couldn't help but feel like a Rockette while doing the kickline. Of course ours wasn't as perfect, but we looked good out there. And after the show, we were ready to get dressed into our formal dresses and pumps. (It's amusing how all of us can bring really high heels no matter how much our feet hurt.)

 
seniors <3
 

And remember last year when my mother fell ill the night of the ball? Well this year both my parents made it to the ball, and I loved seeing them so happy together. Watching them have so much fun and dancing made me realize where I got my dancing talents from.

Dancing all night long is my speciality.
xobria

<3
PS. If a strange man ever comes up and dances with you, it's not always the prince at the ball. Sometimes it's just a bum off the street.