Monday, January 04, 2010

just keep swimming.

fun fact about bria = seahorses + jellyfish are my favorite animals. (aquatic animals are the best in my opinion)

Ahh, first day back at school. Always slow. But it's always nice to see friends that you haven't seen all break. The only downer is that we're studying for midterms all this week. Definitely something I'm not looking forward to. But what highschooler is? I'm trying not to stress out too much about the exams, or I'll end up getting myself sick again. But maybe that will get me out of exams?

But more imporantly, today was the first day back at the studio which is always a relief. I feel so out of shape and one hundred pounds heavier. It seems like all I've done over break is eat and watch "The Little Couple". It was fun and it made me happy, but only temporarily. The studio is what always makes me happy. It was good to see everyone ready to dance as much as me. There were even some oldies came back to take class to keep in shape. Jordan (the beautiful and more than perfect dancer that was bred through our ballet company) was even there tonight off from her life in Amsterdam, and we exchanged hugs and caught up a little bit. But I couldn't take my eyes off of her the entire class. I stood by her during one combination as a little motivation to push myself.
But as any experienced dancer should know is that it takes twice as long that you took off to get back into shape, i.e. I took 2 weeks off, so it might probably take 4 weeks to get back into shape. But another thing any experienced dancer should know is to never push yourself too hard to where you almost get hurt. I pushed myself today to work hard, but I made sure not too far. There's just a little pressure though because auditions are coming up, and can't be out of shape for those!

But the "out of shape" crappy feeling was hitting me during modern class tonight. We did inner thigh + turnout exercises (turnout is definitely my weakness), and I was getting tired. And I felt old. My hips always seem to be tight, and they were pinching like crazy tonight. My arches weren't too happy with all the releve├ęs we did. My buttocks are angry about that adagio. And I felt the soreness coming on that will probably last for about a week. I kept pushing through until the end of the class, and then I wasn't happy with myself. I made the mistake of pushing through when I should've just been using up every moment of the class.

"Finding Nemo" is one of my favorite Disney movies. Like I said, aquatic animals are the bomb. And Dory's song came to my mind as I was driving home..."Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."
At first I thought she meant something like "just keep swimming through life to get on by". That's what I was doing tonight during modern class. As soon as I got tired, I started fading and my state of mind changed. I didn't feel accomplished or like I got anything out of that class because I just "swam" through it.

But then I remembered why Dory was singing that song. She and Marlin were trying to overcome the fear of going to retrieve the scuba goggles in the abyss. And that's when I realized the real meaning of Dory's song. What she really meant was "just keep swimming and don't give up (because if you do you'll sink/drown)". It's not about swimming through just to get to the end or to slip on by past everything. I think we often swim through and slip by certain times in our life because we're trying to avoid something or just trying to get to the end. And that's not what it's about. It's about getting through the tough times by just keep going and don't give up. No matter how scary and mysterious it looks ahead. Chances are you're most likely going in the direction you need to be going. But by giving up, you're not doing yourself any good. By keeping on going, you're doing yourself a favor by avoiding the drowning in your own sorrows or regrets. And trust me, you'll make it to the end and you'll get through but in the best possible way ever.

So just keep those guppy eyes up, those little fins moving, and swim to live your life. And because aquatic animals do it best.

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