Saturday, February 06, 2010


"why are you crying?"
"life hit me in the face."

Last night, I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" for just the second time, and I cried more this time than I did the first time I watched it.
First, let me say that Brad Pitt is beautiful. Not only physically, but his personality and skills as an actor are so real. It's touching. And I just get lost in his gorgeous eyes...

But the last time I watched this movie was before all the drama, confusion, heartbreak, and change. And watching it a second time feeling a little more "experienced" (for lack of a better word) was what made me cry harder. The thing about life is that "you never know what's coming for you" (as quoted from the movie). But it's what you do with those things that come for you that make your life something that you're proud of. Things may happen for a reason and karma will be the biggest bitch it wants to be, but it's the way you handle everything that makes all the difference.

I'm four months away from the end of my junior year in high school. And it hit me last night that I'm not a little girl anymore. I think I've always felt younger than I really am because I am one of the youngest people in my grade, and I've watched all my classmates around me get their licenses before me and go out more often like the young adults they are. But watching life through the eyes of Benjamin Button made me realize life is too too short. It sounds so fucking cliché, but it seriously just feels like yesterday I was just in elementary school chasing around the boys and wishing I could wear a tutu and a pair of pointe shoes. It feels like yesterday I had no idea what it was like to be kissed and cared for by a boy. It feels like yesterday I didn't know the pain of heartbreak and betrayal.

And it was all yesterday when I realized that tomorrow is all that matters at this point.
Just because I'm growing up doesn't mean that I'm going to lose my childlike breath of life. I'm going to live on it.
I'm not the little girl I thought I was. I'm the woman I've become to be and hoped of becoming...haha, I can't say that I'm a woman without a straight face! But...
Time is of the essence.

The snow has ruined my weekend once again by canceling today's company rehearsal. But it looks as if the roads are going to be nice enough for me to travel to good ol' Winston-Salem, NC for my San Francisco Ballet Summer audition. Finally can get back in the swing of auditions!

Tally ho!

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