Sunday, March 07, 2010

honk honk!

I picked the perfect weekend to start driving by myself. It's sunny outside and almost 60 degrees. I've always loved cold weather, but I've had my share of winter this year. So bring on the short shorts and braless tank tops!! I'm so ready for it to be hot hot hot!
I was driving around with the windows down and music blasting. I thought I would feel super grown up driving around by myself, but it honestly isn't that much different than just driving around with my parents, ha. Except for the fact that I get to blast the music, of course. And I only play good music, so I'm not one of those guys that blasts gross music with a bass that makes you want to throw up. I promise I'm not.

Today was the scholarship audition that I've been preparing for since January. The judges were a couple of lovely ladies that I've taken master classes from. One was a modern teacher and the other was a musical theatre teacher. The scariest thing is seeing one of the judges staring at you expressionless as well as scrutinizing your every move, aka the musical theatre teacher. It makes me so anxious! But when you see them smile at you at the littlest thing that you do, it makes everything instantly better. When I was performing my own choreographed piece, I saw the musical theatre smile a little when I did a Fosse-inspired move. (At the time I was choreographing that piece, I had just watched "Damn Yankees" the night before.)
I was so nervous for this audition! But in the end I think that I did really well. Probably better than I've ever done it before, and I'm happy. And from what the other girls said, it sounds like they did really well, too. There were only three of us auditioning, and we were talking about how all three of us are working so hard and that we all deserve a good amount of money. But we complained about how we have to wait so long to find out the results!!

After the audition, I spent a little time with him. I drove to his house (after a scary journey up the mountain and getting lost trying to find it), and we spent a little time driving around listening to some crazy music. I met his parents and played with his dogs. We went for a nice hike through the woods, and we shared stories of our childhood. I had such a great time with him like we always do, but I realized yesterday that we don't deserve each other, and I just don't think it's going to work out. We are so comfortable around each other, and we make each other happy in a way that I never thought I existed. But it's just that I keep waiting around for something that isn't going to happen, and it's just time for me to let it go for good.

I'm going to walk away not because I want to. But because I have to.
And part of me wants to see if he'll come chasing after me...



Natalie said...

I'm looking forward to the warmth coming back, too! It's getting better in England, and although it's quite sunny, it's really cold.

I'm glad your audition went well. Whenever I have done music exams where you have to perform a song to about five classical music experts, it's really hard when they're just sat with a blank face!

bria ballerina said...

Ahh!! I've always wanted to go to England!! Sounds splendid. Even with the cold weather.

Thank you!! I'm glad you understand what it feels like, ha! I'm so happy to hear you do so well in something you love. Don't ever let it go!!