Monday, April 26, 2010

you loving you.



Tonight in modern class, the topic of self-esteem came up. My teacher told us that it's very important to love yourself. You have to love every fiber of yourself because you are the only thing that you're stuck with for the rest of your life. She told us that when she teaches younger students, she makes them stand in front of the mirror, look at themselves in the eyes, and have them say, "I am beautiful. I am talented. I am meant to dance."
My teacher then said, "They need to learn that at an early age."

I can honestly say that I wish I learned that self-esteem is important. I grew up most of my childhood with a low self-esteem and self-image. Almost everyday, I would wake up wishing that there was something different about me. I would wish I was taller, skinnier, white, prettier, and then I would bash myself saying that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, popular enough, cool enough, et cetera et cetera...I can honestly say that my insides were dark, foggy, and unclear. I was constantly hiding who I really was because I was afraid that it wasn't ever good enough. And looking back now, I see that the more I changed myself, the more unhappy I became. The more I tried so hard to be something that I wasn't, the more distant I became with the people around me as well as myself.
I can't really call myself a success story. There are days when I still find myself looking in the mirror and not being completely satisfied with the way I look or the person I've become. But I can say that I've made an improvement from when I was younger. Sometimes I hate looking back because I was such a sad person. I was such a sad girl. And looking back at the sad person that I was motivates me more to never go back to that. I've lost the best parts of myself to the most beautiful people with the ugliest kinds personalities. But I've also discovered parts of me that make me better than the last version of myself.

See yourself the way you want others to see you.
You have to love you. Now give yourself a hug and smack on the butt for being the smartest, sexiest, most loving, talented, beautiful, and real version of yourself.
Now don't change.
xobria

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