Monday, May 24, 2010

a different kind of desire.

"i don't want realism. i want magic! yes, yes, magic. i try to give that to people. i do misrepresent things. i don't tell truths. i tell what ought to be truth." - blanche dubois from "a streetcar named desire"

We just recently watched "A Streetcar Named Desire" in my English class. And while I swooned over the young, handsome, riveting, and manly Marlon Brando, I once again found myself in the story of the movie as the broken character of Blanche Dubois. This woman is on the brink of insanity due to heartbreak and crawling through life just to try to get a hold of herself. She is running away from something that isn't after her - life.

It was only a year ago that I was told about this movie. And the only thing I was really looking forward to was to see Marlon Brando take his shirt off. But once I finally got the chance to watch the film in my English class, I paid attention to the characters and the importance of the storyline. And my love of old films left me enchanted by the entire movie, and I made yet another discovery:

You are Stanley.
I am Blanche.

You are that harsh guy. Rough around the edges. But intruiging nonetheless. In other words, you're not my type. But in one way or another, I've found myself enchanted by your persona and physique. Through what we've been through together, I've been able to look past the way you've broken my heart and taken control of my emotions and just see you the way I want to see you. Just like Blanche looks at life. Looking at things the way she wants to see them and living life the way she wants to live it. It's a dangerous way to live considering that there is no such thing as a "reality check" for Ms. Dubois or myself, but this world of dreams, hopes, and wishes seems much more promising than the real world outside of my glassy eyes. And just like Blanche, I'm guilty to depending on the actions + words of a boy to tell me what kind of person I am - pretty, smart, funny, classy, fun. I've always been that way ever since I was a little girl. I'm always looking for the potential love and acception of a boy. Of anyone. I even had my own Mitch, the boy that I'm never good enough for. My life was drastically changed when Mr. Kowalski took one forceful step into my life. I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions because of this one boy. Blanche is a complex character. And apparently so am I.
But of course, the only difference between Blanche and I is that I haven't been cheated on nor have I resorted to prostitution for the attention of men. And I'm not admitted into a mental institute. But I do go where my desires lead me, whether that is to an enchanting boy with bad intentions or a big dream of living a successful life as a professional dancer, I'll be there.

So honestly, the lesson here is: don't be like me. I'm a complete dork that tends to mix up real life + fantasies. Also, keep all those Stanley Kowalski's out of your life. No matter how delicious his muscles are.

xobria

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