Wednesday, May 26, 2010

i want you to hurt me. hurt me real bad.

"to develop patience, you need someone who willfully hurts you. such people give us real opportunities to practice tolerance." - dalai lama

I never thought that I would ever hear myself say, "I'm glad that he hurt me."
I never thought I would ever think to myself, "I'm happier now than I was before the heartbreak."
I never thought I would ever hear my heart beating the same way it did before it was broken ever again.

I've heard someone say something along the lines of: "Everyone you meet will hurt you at one point or another. You need to know who is worth the pain."
But is it wrong for me to say that I think that everyone is worth the pain? For me it is at least. Everyone that has ever made the workings of my mind twist in confusion and my heart crack is a big part of my life. And nothing is going to change that. No matter how much I want to erase the painful feelings and the memory of them, it just can't be done.
Pain hurts. It wouldn't be called "pain" if it wasn't supposed to hurt. And I don't handle pain well. Especially the kind that makes going through the day extremely difficult and looking you in the eyes ultimately unbearable.

But here's the thing: I've become such a better and stronger person because of the pain. And not to mention, I made wonderful memories with these people that I will never ever be able to forget. And even though that happiness back then is a different kind of happiness that I know now, it's still joy. But this joy that I know now is the joy of living, loving, being, and growing.

And just to think it all started with a stab in the back, a slap in the face, or a jab to the heart :/

No comments: