Monday, May 10, 2010


"i'm tired of this triviality of life. i want real human emotion. i want to feel the natural spontaneity of life, the beautiful randomness and rawness that is life. i want to see you and i want you to see me and i want to bask in that moment of humility and intimacy and the acknowledgment of your dignity and my humanity, even if it is for a second. that'll be enough." - kate miller
One of the words I use to describe myself is spontaneous.
I do things on a whim and out of the blue. I love waking up knowing that I get to do whatever I want for the day. So many of the choices I make in life are on a whim and out of pure spontaneity. And sometimes they have good results. Other times they don't. But that doesn't bother me at all. I will continue to make decisions on the spot and out of the randomness of my mind. Sometimes the bad results will leave me feeling defeated and a little less spontaneous. Sometimes I make a promise to myself that I will stop being so spontaneous and spazzy. But it's who I am! And no matter how much I tell myself to change, it's not going to happen. Through my spontaneous ways, I have made the most beautiful mistakes, wasted the most useless time, kissed the most poisonous lips, held hands with a liar, made the more precious memories with people that I have met for the first time, and found this sense of comfort and contentment with my randomness. And I would love to do it all again. Just to remind myself of who I am. And maybe even to relive some of the best memories with him...
The worst that could happen is you'll walk out of the situation saying, "Hell. You gotta learn somehow..."
Today I found out that I'm going to be a living statue for a day at the art museum downtown to represent the ballet company. It's a quick way for us to gain some exposure to the public as well as a great fundraiser! I always thought that those living statues I saw in the streets were silly people. But now I get to be one of them for a day! This is going to be a challenge for me because I giggle. A lot. I'm going to have to try so hard to not look at the people looking on. No interaction what-so-ever...
You guys should come and try to make me laugh, haha.

PS. I'm going to Prague next summer to dance. No big deal...

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