Friday, July 02, 2010

this is why i run.

me: "wow, i thought that would have you running for the hills."
him: "unless you are at the top of that hill, i ain't going anywhere."

I do this weird thing when I meet a new boy - I say certain things about myself and my personality that I think that might turn him off and turn him away. I do this to see if he really wants me for who I am, and it gives me a chance to let him walk away before I start getting too attached at any certain point.

He didn't run. I've given him several opportunities for him to walk away leaving me completely unharmed, yet he still stayed. It even seemed like he moved in closer. 
And this is where I run. I run because I'm scared. I'm being totally hypocritical right now, and I know it. I've said so many times before that I'm not afraid of falling in love and that I love the idea of jumping into the unknown with someone you think you know you want to be with. But at this moment with him, I'm running in the opposite direction. Right in front of me is the perfect opportunity for my heart to move on and my head to get clear, and I'm still sprinting towards my make-believe safety zone.

He's willing to jump. He's willing to drive 9 hours (if only he could) to come here to see me. He's willing to face any problem before he ever has to leave. He's willing to be that perfect boy just for me. And he pretty much is.

Yet I'm scared shitless.

miles and miles and miles of my love i've come to find you...everyone thinks i'm crazy for thinking that when you see me you're gonna love me

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