I recently had a heart-to-heart with one of my really good friends, Marie. We were talking about how for the longest time we both wanted boyfriends but could never get one. We both confessed that at one point it was all our minds were on - finding the right boy that will hold our hand, kiss our forehead, and have the label of "boyfriend". But recently, we were both faced with a problem: right in front of us we have the perfect opportunity to try things out with a boy and have a possible boyfriend, but now that we have this chance at love, we don't know if we want it.
Right in front of me there's this guy that hasn't run away when I presented almost every possible thing that should make a guy run away. He still insists that I'm something special. He says that smallest, sweetest things that leave me giggling and smiling like an idiot. Needless to say, I've kind of fallen for this perfect boy. But every time he tries to take another step in this growing relationship that we have, I take a step backward. Marie says that it's because I'm scared. I'm scared that everything is almost "too perfect" and that's what scares me. So she told me to not be scared and give this boy a chance.
So today I did give him a chance. And I found myself happy and not afraid when I looked in his eyes and held his hand. It felt so right when I rested my head on his shoulder and when he kissed the top of my head.
But at the same time, I still had that gross feeling of fear sitting in the pit of my stomach, and it wouldn't go away. I'm still getting used to the idea of being with a person that genuinely likes me and wants to be with me. So slowly, but surely, I'm learning to let go of every single fear that I have and let love do it's thing.
It's been a really long time since I've felt like this.
But maybe that's a good thing.