Tuesday, August 10, 2010

my first true love.

me: "don't forget about me."
him: "i will never forget you. how could i forget you?"

This is one of those situations where I never saw the end.
The first moment I saw him, something set off in my heart that told me that he was something special. And for the longest time, I lied to everyone and even myself that I wasn't in love with him. It hurts to love him, but it hurts even more to not love him...

He came to one of the most important shows in my dance career. Took me to see two of the best movies of this decade. Taught me the hardest swimming stroke. Told me secrets and kept mine. Let me teach him some classical ballet partnering lifts. Let me enter his world of ambitions and dreams and asked to enter mine. Drove me around for hours just to show me his favorite music and hold my hand. Loves tea almost as much as I do. Kissed me even when I had a high fever and bronchitis. Gave me one of the best birthday presents ever. Made me believe I was beautiful. Taught me that being in the presence of people that you care about without even saying a word is one of the most precious things in life. Made me patient. Made me believe that good things came to those who wait. 
But he also is a damn good liar. Is sometimes selfish. The first boy to ever break my heart.

Today we said our first goodbye, for tomorrow he is leaving to begin the college life.
It was far from dramatic on the outside, but all the separation anxiety and grief was starting to build up in my gut. I doubt I ever meant a lot to him, but he always meant everything to me. Today, when we sat in his car listening to booming music (it's one of our favorite things to do together). When he walked me to my car with his arm around me. When he gave me one of his heart-melting hugs. When he told me that he would keep in touch. When he wished me luck for my senior year. And when he looked directly in my eyes to tell me that he could never forget me. My heart finally healed completely.

I know this wasn't goodbye forever. And I finally saw the beauty in our permanent state of "unfinished business".
Because he is my first true love.

him: "so now whenever i hear this song, i'm going to remember me sitting here with you. i'm going to remember us like this."

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