Saturday, September 18, 2010

"the world is my oyster, and i found my pearl."

Walking around downtown at night with glowsticks in my hair and someone holding my hand is what happiness looks like. Walking around downtown with glowsticks in my hair, someone holding my hand, and this infinite feeling in my heart is what happiness feels like.

To be honest, I agreed to this relationship unsure if I really wanted to be with someone. I knew that he made me happy, and I knew that we would be good together. But I was still unsure if my heart was ready to let someone in again. And although I told him "yes", my heart was saying "maybe". And I felt guilty for making him think that I was putting my whole self into this new found relationship. But once he said and did all the right things, my heart was stopped holding back.
The other night on the phone, I confessed that I had had my heart broken in the past, made mistakes by falling for boys that wanted nothing but my body, and that I have trust issues. And he replied that there is a "No Judge Zone" established between us, and my past doesn't change the way he looks at me or likes me.

He told me this, "The world is my oyster, and I found my pearl."
And I never saw the world as an oyster. The world is too big to be a little mollusc organism. But once he told me this, I started seeing the world as an oyster - small, closed off, isolated, full of precious things that you have to find. The world all of a sudden seemed so much smaller to me, and I felt so sheltered and protected in this oyster of a world. This feeling that I could travel from one side of my oyster to the other and still feel the same kind of alone and same kind of smallness. The same boring oyster created for you to make you feel exactly the same. But once you find your pearl, you realize how truly special being in this oyster world is.

I'm happy as a clam....or oyster.

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