Wednesday, October 13, 2010

things that change.


Recently, I have started the re-reading of one of my favorite books The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. It is such a deep and profound philosophical book, but it has made such an impact on me from the first time I picked it up that it quickly became one of my favorite books. But since this is my second time reading this book, I've noticed something this second time around. I'm noticing that I'm discovering things in the book that I seemed to have looked over the first time I read it. Reading this book for a second time has made me realize how much one can change in about a year - how they see themselves, what they see in the world, what they expect from life, what they expect from others, and what they expect for themselves.

It was about a year ago when I first read this book. I remember at that time I was in a very bad and sad place called heartbreak. I had just had my heart broken by my first love because of lies and cheating. He deceived me, and I fell for it all in hopes that I would get exactly what I wanted. But in the end, I only saw us for what I wanted to see and what I only imagined us to be. This book left me crying every other page because I could relate a lot of things written to my life and my situation that I was in at the time. I remember connecting every single character and event to my life - he was Tomas, and I was Tereza. He was the disloyal one, and I was the one still holding on no matter what he did. He was the one that was good at lying, and I was the one that fell for every single thing. He was the light one, and I was the heavy one. Once I finished the book, things became clear again, and I slowly but surely moved on.

A year later, my heart has healed. And this new boy comes into my life and says that he just ordered this book off of Amazon.com. As soon as I heard the book title, something jumped in my heart - the thing that made me fall in love with this book and remember that about a year ago it was my cure. So my new boy and I formed our own little book club and began reading this book together. And like I said, the second time reading this has made me realize that I missed a lot of things the first time around. And I realized that I missed these certain things because the first time around I was only looking for words that would heal my heart, words that would help me move on, and words that would help take the pain away. Words that spoke of love, friendship, and true lightness stuck out to me this second time around. And this time, I saw myself as the very different character of Sabina. Tereza + Sabina are two very different characters, practically foils to one another. The ways in which I see myself as Sabina have made me seen how much can change and grow in such a short period of time as a year. When you least expect it, you will notice within yourself the change that you wanted to become.

xobria


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