Saturday, January 30, 2010

more snow.



The only time that I don't want it to snow, it snows!! The company show and fun-filled, audition weekend trip to Maryland with my best friend has been cancelled due to the foot of snow that has fallen upon this city. But rather than moping around like I intended to when I woke up this morning, I took advantage of being snowed in the house. I baked cookies. I played some guitar. I worked on choreography. I practiced my variation.

Which reminds me! I forgot to mention to you all that I have picked out my pieces that I'm going to present for the scholarship audition that I do every year. I have chosen a Balanchine variation from "Who Cares?" that I learned this summer at the Richmond Ballet Summer Intensive and a contemporary piece that I have been working on to Paolo Nutini's "Last Request". The audition is March 7th, and I have started rehearsing with Pedro to perfect the variation. All the money that I receive through that audition will definitely help me out towards wherever I'm going this summer!

The deadline for the new banner is supposed to be tonight. But I really don't care if a few more entries trickle into my e-mail (briaballerinax@gmail.com). I haven't gotten many, but they're all great! Definitely less of a difficult decision.

I hope most of you are having a warmer, less snowy weekend than I am!
But any of you care to join me in my snuggie by the fire?
xobria

Thursday, January 28, 2010

perfect day.


Today has been a perfect day.

It all started when I went to check my email on my iTouch. One of the new messages in my inbox was from the LINES Ballet School manager. My heart skipped a beat when I read that I have been accepted into the Session 2 Summer Program!! I was so excited, I couldn't stop smiling at the words on the touch screen. The program is the "advanced" program for ages 17-24, and I had requested to be placed in the advanced program, but it wasn't a guarantee that I was going to get in. I guess my sweat paid off that day. The program is a five week summer intensive from July 13-August 18 in San Francisco, California! I pretty much have my heart set on this program (although I am still auditioning for other places in the upcoming weeks). I'm looking into financial aids + scholarships to the program to help pay for that grand tuition!
Also, there isn't housing provided for the advanced session since the age group is older. So anyone residing in San Fran want to take me in for 5 weeks?

Tonight in ballet class, my brightened mood definitely helped with my performance. It's so amazing how a little thing can affect your entire day! It's days like this that remind me why I live for this. The amazing feeling of knowing that you made it in somewhere that you know you belong.

Also, my bestie and I took pictures for our auditions coming up this weekend. First arabesque requirement. Just another reason why today is so perfect: I got the perfect shot of my arabesque on TRY ONE. Amazing. (I just hate how huge my hips look...) I'm going to do a few level + saturation adjustments in Photoshop tomorrow in photography class to get it just right.

Then I ended the evening with a little rehearsal of a very fun Balanchine variation that I learned over the summer from "Who Cares?". How delicious. The tempo is perfect, and everything. Thanks to Phillip Skaggs of Richmond Ballet for sending the music file!

The thing is: you will have bad days, and you will have good days. And these good days are what you should be living for. Find something that you love to do and make it yours. Your dreams will take you far, but you have to start with what is right in front of you. And don't get in the way of things that want to get in the way of your dreams.

I have had a perfect day, and now all I'm hoping for is the perfect and snow-free weekend. Those weathermen can never make up their minds!! I've heard so many different things...

But one thing is certain: You make your own destiny and write your own story. And this is just the beginning of mine.
xobria

PS. I love this song. And what a great cover!

PPS. Everyone must immediately go wish the beautiful, rad, and inspiring Ms. Keltie Colleen a Very Happy Birthday and make her day perfect!! Tweet her! Facebook her! Leave a comment on her blog! She loves it all. We all know that she means the world to us, and we are the best army anyone could ever have!

Monday, January 25, 2010

optimist.


why can't i be optimistic?
i tried to find the logic logically.


Stress is getting to me more now than ever.

I realized tonight that I'm my biggest enemy. You're your biggest enemy. No one is harder on you than yourself. I am that perfectionist. I get so upset with myself when I don't satisfy my standards or acheive above them. I feel like I can't do anything. I always talk about the invincibility and confidence I feel when I'm dancing. But take tonight for example, I had an awful ballet class. I couldn't turn. My hips were gripping. And my damn arches are still cramping up! What am I supposed to do now? When I don't even feel great when I dance?

But I am also that optimist. And I say that icky days should be rare in your life.

xobria

PS. I know that this loneliness is temporary, but when will it finally end and someone new will come around?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

i'm just a pumpkin.

"well there's one thing. they can't order me to stop dreaming." - cinderella


I've got less than a week to embody this character of Cinderella, and I'm starting to stress out and freak out.

I learned my variation just a week ago, and I'm not feeling entirely confident with it quite yet. Of course I'm going to do the best that I can and continue to keep pushing myself, but tonight's rehearsal just left me angry and upset with myself. My tutu wasn't feeling right, the arches of my feet were cramping up, I was tired and hungry. I am unsure how the performance next week is going to go, but I still believe in miracles. The costume ladies are going to work their magic on my tutu. I'm going to eat many bananas and continue to stretch to prevent the cramping. And I'll make sure to get enough sleep and eat healthy before the show. The rest is left to magic.

When I perform, I strive to do better than I did back at the studio. And I tend to cover up my flaws and insecurities with a huge and confident smile on my face. I will end up doing a good turn here and maybe one good balance here, and then it's the end. On that stage, I have one chance to be that gorgeous, flawless ballerina princess. And at the end of the show. At the end of the night. Underneath all the glitter and hairspray and gel, I'm just a shy little girl with a big dream. A little pumpkin transformed for a short period of time into that magical moment. Putting on a tutu doesn't make someone a ballerina. It's the hardwork and ease you present to the audience, and the joy that you bring to those who watch you. Becoming famous doesn't make you successful. It's knowing that you're doing what you love and knowing that you're a better person because of it.

As a dancer, I have to embrace my character and make it part of myself for that moment under the spotlight. But just like Cinderella, I'm going to keep dreaming, keep believing until the shoe fits.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

keltie colleen.

"we are show people and show people always get up, brush themselves off, and make magic." - keltie colleen

You all know her. Because we all know that you wouldn't be here on my blog if it wasn't for her. TRUE STORY: the day she started following my blog, I cried. It was seriously one of the happiest days of my life.

People may say I'm obsessed with her or that I'm a carbon copy of her, but they are both impossible because 1. there is a big difference between "obsessed" + "admiring" and 2. you can never ever EVER carbon copy Keltie Colleen. Period.

Keltie Colleen is the quirky inspiration and breath of fresh air that we all need every day. She has taught all of us that we can have icky days, but that those icky days should never define or get in the way of our perfect days. Keltie has particularly taught me that my chances are just as great as anyone else's in this crazy dance/show biz world. I like to think of her as my mentor that always seems to be there even though she isn't. She has given me hope for my big big big dreams, and she has brought out the fearless heart in my chest and the courage, passion, and hardwork in my short legs and little feet.

She has taught me that heartbreak is something that is going to hurt no matter how hard you try to avoid it. But it is also something that I will definitely live through. She has reminded me that honesty is the best policy, and that pups, hot tea, books, and snuggies are the perfect equation for a night in. She has taught me that the things that you work most hard for are the only things worth having in life. She believes life, peace, true love, and dreams, and it made me realize that I'm not the only one who does. She has taught me that beauty starts within and it still counts if you look like a dork on the outside. And I can honestly say that I would not be here without her.

Keltie has shown me what it's like to inspire and be inspired. Sometimes I wonder why people look up to me so much, and I feel so blessed and honored to be such a person to several.

As much as I'd like to follow in her exact footsteps, I've got my own journey to create. I have my own story to write and share with everyone. Starting with you.

I know Keltie as a dancer, choreographer, blogger, book-reader, diet coke-drinking, high kicking, clothing designer, teacher, dreamer, lover, fighter, human, and friend.

So if you didn't already know here's her blog. Follow it. http://highkicksandhighhopes.blogspot.com/
Here's her twitter page. Follow her. http://www.twitter.com/keltiecolleen
Here's her OFFICIAL Facebook fan page. Add her! http://www.facebook.com/#/pages/The-Official-Keltie-Colleen-Fan-Page/433691220354?ref=ts

So here's to Ms. Keltie Colleen + her fearless army!!
xobria

PS. Kelts, when will I ever meet you?

PPS. #270598270349587348 reason why we love Keltie: she will dance with anyone. including the makeup artist.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

a revelation.

breakfast.


Resume: Check.
Headshot: Check.
Letter of Intent: Check.
Fearless Heart: Check.
Revelation: Heck Yes, Check!

I was so excited to get back to my little blog to tell you that I've had a revelation!!


As I was just starting the audition class yesterday, I was in the middle of a tendu exercise and I was already dripping with sweat. I was sweating from being nervous. I was sweating because it seemed like the air conditioning wasn't on. I was sweating because I was working my ass off. I was sweating because I was striving to be better. Then the teacher said, "Get out of your usual routine of plié, tendu, plié, tendu. Do something different. Make your own discoveries."

From that point on, my mindset changed completely. Because I realized that auditions aren't about being better than the other girls; it's about being better than yourself. When the teacher told us to get out of usual routine, at first I was confused. Teachers have always been telling me to pay attention to every detail of the audition because they're looking for someone that will look at the details and do exactly as the teacher does. Because from what I've heard, choreographers or directors aren't going to give a shit if you can do an extra turn here because it fit in the music. They're going to care if you do their choreography the way they want you to. So when this teacher was telling us to do something different every time we did a combination, I went way out of the box. I didn't pay attention to what the other girls were doing, and I paid close attention to what my body wanted to do here at this tendu, or at this glissé. Because that's what that audition was about.

Auditions are to discover what certain teacher, programs, choreographers, directors will get out of you. If you walk out of that audition not sweating, feeling accomplished, feeling like you've learned something, then maybe that particular place just isn't for you. After all, it is a class.

The only thing about this audition that might have brought me down a little bit was the fact that they didn't separate us into different age groups. So the ages ranged from 14 to 22 in that audition. My favorite thing about this audition was that it wasn't your typical ballet class. Sure, there were the typical barre exercises, but there were some modern flairs thrown into them. And of course, I added my own little flair. Also, the last 20 minutes were dedicated to modern improv. Improv is my favorite thing to do, and this was my chance to shine for at least one minute out of all of those 18 dancers. There were a few dancers that really caught my eye and made me smile at their creativity.

I walked out of that audition feeling like I already made it because I felt like I did the best I could + more. Results should be coming in about 2 weeks!

My next two auditions are on the same day for ABT + Washington Ballet. Two in one day? I can do it...
dessert.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

bad idea.


Yesterday was my first company rehearsal of the year! (I didn't go last week because of my church retreat...)
And for being gone for just one weekend, I missed a lot!! The next couple of weeks are going to be extremely fast paced due to our upcoming show on the 30th. And I can't afford to miss anymore rehearsals this month.

The girls have already learned most of the Girlfriends dance from Coppelia, and I had to catch up. It was a little difficult since everyone already knew what they were doing except me, but good thing we all love each other in the company because if they hadn't helped me, I still wouldn't know any of the choreography. While we were rehearsing, I started reminiscing about the last time I did Coppelia with the company...
I was in 8th grade!! I was a junior company member and tiny as could be. I danced the Mazurka with the senior company members, so I felt special. That was only 3 years ago, but it seems like it was ages ago. Just goes to show how far someone can go in a few years. How much someone can grow. How much someone can change. How much a company as a whole can grow and expand. I can't help but think of these performances being one of my last with the company whenever I'm at rehearsal. But at least I know that I'll dance away from this company getting absolutely everything I could out of it. Because I'll be ready for that crazy place we call the dance world.

Tomorrow I'm auditioning for Alonzo King's LINES Ballet. I'm going to have to get up at 5am on a day off from school to make it to DC on time. I was recommended LINES Ballet by Pedro when I had my parent-teacher conference with him on Friday. He said all the usual stuff about me accepting every challenge and rising above it. That's what I'm all about. He said that he's going to help me every step of the way in my college process. Anything I need, I could go to him which is the most comforting thing a teacher could ever offer. But then he had a surprise for me...
John + I are going to represent the company at another school's dance recital! Another local dance school asked our company to perform a dance in their recital this year, and Pedro chose the pas de deux with John and me! I feel so honored, and this was a great surprise for both John and I. I think it's because we work well together. We are familiar with the way each of us move seperately and together, and that's what makes a good partnership. In the dance world. And out.

As this night comes to an end, I'm frantically finishing my resume of mine for the audition tomorrow. I feel so dumb because I've never written a resume before! Also, I have to write a Letter of Intent that describes my aspirations as a dancer and artist. I think that was my favorite part. It gave me a chance to prove to them that I am here to work and that I have big dreams. And the only way to reach those dreams is to start somewhere. And maybe that somwhere is with their summer program or company. And it was a bad idea to stay up this late...

But here's to you, amazing followers!! I'm off to my first audition!!
xobria

Thursday, January 14, 2010

get out of the way of my dreams, please.

"if you love something let it go...if it coms back it's yours to keep, if it doesn't it was never meant to be."

You have been in my dreams for the past three nights. And I've woken up feeling a little broken and empty feeling. I tried so hard after the first night to get you out of my head, but it didn't seem to work.

The first night, you lifted her off the ground and spun her around. You kissed her on her forehead and held her in your arms. Then you looked me in the eyes. And we both turned away from each other, and kept going on our seperate ways.
The next night, our eyes met in a coffee shop. We were both sitting by ourselves, and we both saw each other. But we didn't make an effort to speak to each other.
And last night, you finally spoke to me. To tell me that you never want to see me again. That I was the biggest mistake you ever made, and that he's happier without me. And I cried. Because it hurt.

And I know they're all just dreams. But dreams mean something. And if what TIME Magazine says is true, then if you want to see me, then look at me when we pass in the hallways. If that's all it's going to take, so be it. Because I don't like waking up to know that you were in my dreams when I most certainly don't want you there.

I'm just waiting for that day I can go through without thinking about you for a split second.


PS. I want to play piano likes this.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

EXAM WEEK.


It has arrived, my friends. And there's nothing more I can do than study and hope for the best. Yesterday was my Calculus exam. It was the one I was most worried about, and it still is even after I've taken it. I'm such a math nerd, but I am the worst test taker.
Today I had my photography exam, which I freaked out about for nothing because I got a 107 on it. Yippee.
Tomorrow I've got Chemistry + US History. And Thursday is Spanish + English. So if I'm taking a little break from zee blog for the rest of the week to get cracking on those books. Or at least trying to.

Starting tomorrow, everyday I'm going to text message someone random in my contacts "good morning". I'm all about spreading love and happiness to every around me, and I know that it's always the little things that are the best. I hope I'm the difference that makes a good day from a bad day.

Back to my face glued to the periodic table of elements...
xobria

PS. I guess I should set a deadline for this banner thing. I've gotten a few amazing entries already, so thanks to all that have sent them in! I'll make the deadline January 30. Why? Just because.

PPS. I'm feeling a little lonely today.

Monday, January 11, 2010

i am reborn + forgiven.

"when you know you hurt a girl, it sucks. it sucks."

This past weekend, I attended a church retreat. I myself am not very strong in the faith that I have been brought up in, so I thought that I could take this opportunity to maybe find that faith. And I didn't. Before people start damning me to hell, let me just say that I just can't find myself fully immersed in something that I just can't grasp and believe in. I try so hard to look for little things that I can maybe attach myself to to try to find that connection to what I can't seem to believe in. But everything I do just doesn't work. And instead of being persecuted for something that I don't believe in, I'm going to talk about things that I do believe in.

We spent the weekend in this small retreat house on the side of a mountain looking onto a lake frozen in time. The temperatures were below freezing, which gave me and my friends lots and lots of snuggling time. There was nothing around us but farms. Although the trees and other vegetation seemed to be dead all around us, I found beauty in the sparkling snow and frozen lake. I woke up to this landscape yesterday knowing that I came here for a reason, and that reason was to grow stronger in your faith and find something you believe in. But no one ever said that it had to be something that they were teaching.

In an effort to teach us about sin + temptation (apparently something I seem to know all about), the leaders broke us up into different groups to discuss certain topics. My group was given the topic of "Sex without commitment is natural and okay." I brought up the fact that I just finished reading a book about a slut (Loose Girl: A Memoir...). I seemed like I was the only person talking in the group. But then a boy spoke up.
He told the group how he made a mistake when he was involved with a certain girl. He said, "Just knowing that I hurt her, hurts me. I can't look at her sometimes." He told us the whole story without any shame of his mistakes and who he was. And he wasn't a boy to me anymore. He was a man. Sometimes guilt is mistaken for cowardness. And sometimes insecurity is feigned by ignorance. And now I know that's why you won't speak to me anymore, and I can finally forgive myself for apologizing for something that wasn't my fault.

Even without fully believing in what was taught to me this weekend, I have found myself reinvented and forgiven. Stepping outside in the stinging cold and learning through others' mistakes gave me a different understanding of who I am and who I am not. I left the city below me behind for just a couple of days to rediscover myself.

So I believe in beauty, forgiveness, time, and peace. I respect all people and religions of the world and demand equality. I'm waiting on our world to change for the better. And at that time, our whole generation will reinvent themselves and stand for something that we can all believe in.
On Saturday night, I threw my past mistakes and regrets in the fireplace and left them there. Never to see the depths of my heart ever again.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

loose girl.

"i heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."--from loose girl: a memoir of promiscuity by kerry cohen

I read this book in less than about one day.
For those of you that know this book, I want to tell you right now that I am not that girl. But I will tell you that I sometimes feel like that girl. The confused and needy girl. Not the sex addicted, promiscuous girl. But I will confess to you now that I've had my share of thrilling evenings with a boy which make me understand this book to a certain point. And that is all I will leave it at.

I read this book thinking that I would try to understand this girl and, well, be disgusted. There were moments that I was disgusted, but I agreed with many things she wrote about. She wrote about wanting someone to love her, and that was all she ever lived for. Sometimes I feel this way, and as much as I know better, I can't help it.

Ever since grade school, I've always been boy crazy. I took a liking to boys very early, and I let them know it. I chased them around the jungle gym. I told them straight up. And still their shriek and exclamation of "cooties!" was a painful rejection. Just at that young age. But good thing for me, I was good at finding a new boy to crush on. But I was always too eager. I was always rushing to be "grown up" and have a boyfriend.

I remember I had a "boyfriend" in 2nd grade. His name was Joe. He had cute freckles on his face. We held hands during recess. He told me about the ghost in the girl's bathroom, and for me to be careful because he didn't want to lose me. We were Pokémon fanatics together. That was also the year that I moved away from California to Maryland. And he swore to me that he would tell his mom to come visit me for summer vacation. But he never did. And I don't know which is the more pathetic part: the fact that I still remember or that maybe I might still be in love with the memory of my first boyfriend.

But In contrast to the story of this book, I grew up in a healthy household. My parents love each other very much. I grew up seeing them always happy together and perfect. It was never too rough around the house, so why do I still feel so empty and lonely?
I read about the story of the growing list of boys she has slept with, and I still feel like I saw myself in this story without having to be the girl of the evening. Her expectations were always so high, and they were always shot down by her desperation and the reality of this world. The fact that she never forgot the ones that meant something to her after all these years scares me that I will never forget mine either. That maybe years from now I'll look back and still feel like it is unfinished business.

The feelings of longing for a perfect relationship and that one boy who will love me forever always seems to be there where ever I go. My desperation for someone to hold me always seems to be on the surface no matter how hard I try to hide it. And like Kerry, it is what makes me unlovable. She too at a young age believed that kissing = love. I've been through enough to know that it doesn't. But like she, I'm a big flirt. I continually tease boys and somehow lure them in with my mystery and quirky comebacks. It often makes me smile to feel like I have a boy wrapped around my finger, and all I have to do is say the words and he will kiss me. But that isn't something to be very proud of.

I am too good at hiding how I really feel. I'm afraid of being vulnerable. And this is why when I saw him kiss her today, I turned my head away and told a joke to start laughing. Laughing so hard until I cry when I really was just crying.
The best thing about this book is that it made me realize that I have so much more of my life to live. I know that I always say that, but seeing it like this makes it real. It seems like her life had only began when she was sixteen, and there was so much more of the book to read at that point.

I'm no loose girl. But sometimes I feel like the lonely girl inside that loose girl.

And somehow this has lead me to do this variation.
Here Cinderella is teasing the Prince at the ball.
I'm even a tease when I dance...

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

WANTED: new banner!!

don't run away if i'm not even after you, you coward.

All of you guys are seriously the bomb! I have recently gotten my 60th follower on this little blog of mine, and I was squeeling like a little girl. Oh wait, I am a little girl. The thing is, my life isn't very extravagant or special in any particular way, but it's special enough for all of you to keep following. And for me to keep writing! This is just the beginning, my friends. I promise to all of you that I will make it somewhere, someday, and this blog will still be here. Wherever my little legs + big heart take me, you all will be there with me, too!


Random blurb: I'm getting my license tomorrow. Just another stepping stone!


Back to this blog...
Today, as I checked to see if I had gotten any comments on my recent blog posts, I noticed that I've had the same banner at the top of my blog for a while now. And being someone that doesn't mind change and can't stand having something the same for too long, I wanted to change it. But I didn't know what to change it to, and I thought, I've got 60 followers now, and most of them should be photo-editing saavy right? That's right! I'm asking you guys to help me out with my banner. You guys are a big part of this blog, and I want to give you guys a chance to make it something you know that looks good.

But here's the thing, I think it would be super rad and fun to see what you guys come up with as my banner, so send me what you come up with! There is one thing that I ask all of you to do: make sure it says "bria ballerina". It is the name of the blog, after all...

I don't want to call it a contest because I don't want this to turn competitive, and everyone is a winner to me!! You all are going to come up with great stuff, I just know it! I'll most likely have trouble picking my favorite though...


Send me what you come up with to briaballerinax@gmail.com !
Have fun with this! And thanks for being the best blog followers ever!!
xobria

Monday, January 04, 2010

just keep swimming.

fun fact about bria = seahorses + jellyfish are my favorite animals. (aquatic animals are the best in my opinion)

Ahh, first day back at school. Always slow. But it's always nice to see friends that you haven't seen all break. The only downer is that we're studying for midterms all this week. Definitely something I'm not looking forward to. But what highschooler is? I'm trying not to stress out too much about the exams, or I'll end up getting myself sick again. But maybe that will get me out of exams?

But more imporantly, today was the first day back at the studio which is always a relief. I feel so out of shape and one hundred pounds heavier. It seems like all I've done over break is eat and watch "The Little Couple". It was fun and it made me happy, but only temporarily. The studio is what always makes me happy. It was good to see everyone ready to dance as much as me. There were even some oldies came back to take class to keep in shape. Jordan (the beautiful and more than perfect dancer that was bred through our ballet company) was even there tonight off from her life in Amsterdam, and we exchanged hugs and caught up a little bit. But I couldn't take my eyes off of her the entire class. I stood by her during one combination as a little motivation to push myself.
But as any experienced dancer should know is that it takes twice as long that you took off to get back into shape, i.e. I took 2 weeks off, so it might probably take 4 weeks to get back into shape. But another thing any experienced dancer should know is to never push yourself too hard to where you almost get hurt. I pushed myself today to work hard, but I made sure not too far. There's just a little pressure though because auditions are coming up, and can't be out of shape for those!

But the "out of shape" crappy feeling was hitting me during modern class tonight. We did inner thigh + turnout exercises (turnout is definitely my weakness), and I was getting tired. And I felt old. My hips always seem to be tight, and they were pinching like crazy tonight. My arches weren't too happy with all the releveés we did. My buttocks are angry about that adagio. And I felt the soreness coming on that will probably last for about a week. I kept pushing through until the end of the class, and then I wasn't happy with myself. I made the mistake of pushing through when I should've just been using up every moment of the class.

"Finding Nemo" is one of my favorite Disney movies. Like I said, aquatic animals are the bomb. And Dory's song came to my mind as I was driving home..."Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."
At first I thought she meant something like "just keep swimming through life to get on by". That's what I was doing tonight during modern class. As soon as I got tired, I started fading and my state of mind changed. I didn't feel accomplished or like I got anything out of that class because I just "swam" through it.

But then I remembered why Dory was singing that song. She and Marlin were trying to overcome the fear of going to retrieve the scuba goggles in the abyss. And that's when I realized the real meaning of Dory's song. What she really meant was "just keep swimming and don't give up (because if you do you'll sink/drown)". It's not about swimming through just to get to the end or to slip on by past everything. I think we often swim through and slip by certain times in our life because we're trying to avoid something or just trying to get to the end. And that's not what it's about. It's about getting through the tough times by just keep going and don't give up. No matter how scary and mysterious it looks ahead. Chances are you're most likely going in the direction you need to be going. But by giving up, you're not doing yourself any good. By keeping on going, you're doing yourself a favor by avoiding the drowning in your own sorrows or regrets. And trust me, you'll make it to the end and you'll get through but in the best possible way ever.

So just keep those guppy eyes up, those little fins moving, and swim to live your life. And because aquatic animals do it best.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

possibilities.


First post of 2010!!
This wonderful and jolly holiday break is coming to an end. And in all honesty, all I'm looking forward to is going back to the studio. I really need some quality time with the barre and those studio mirrors. Pointe shoes and leotards are what I'll really need within the next few days.


I spent my NYE in a dowdy outfit of a turtleneck + sweatervest. I looked dorky. But what else is new? Nevertheless, I was comfortable and ready to party. Asian style. We went over to a friend's house in the cold night, and we partied it up with crazy games including a piñata. There were too many little kids that I didn't even get any candy from the paper mache thing. But instead, I ended up getting "drunk" on diet coke, getting wrapped up in some kind of confetti, and singing NSync on karaoke. We had more fun with sparklers, and we even found some that were about 2 feet long! Mega Sparklers! When it came time for the ball to drop, I watched the clock count down to the new year. A new decade. And I still can't believe that I've lived my first decade. But here we are in 2010! We made it!

And now that it's January, you guys know what that means!! Audition time!! For the past couple of months I've been compiling the places I'd like to go audition for. Most of them are going to be the same as last year. Except this year, there are a few colleges on the agenda.


The following are already on my schedule:
-Washington Ballet (maybe I'll remember a leo this time...)
-ABT (maybe I'll make NY this year?)
-Richmond Ballet (visit the old studios and teachers once again!)
-San Francisco Ballet
-The Ailey School (I've been told many times that I'd be perfect for Ailey)
-Atlanta Ballet
-Point Park University

There are so many possibilities for this summer, and audition time is quickly approaching!! Nervewracking + exciting as always. Hopefully I'll get the old audition gang back together, and we'll go on our auditioning adventures once again!! And hopefully I'll have my Keltie Colleen Fearless Heart gear by then, so I can be extra prepared. There's nothing like some cute and fierce dancewear to complete an anxious audition day!! Check out the sweet designs by Keltie Colleen at http://www.sugarandbruno.com/ !!

Speaking of possibilities...this year is going to be the year of possibilities. I'm starting over with everyone. I'm staying true to my closest friends and making new ones to last forever. And I'm starting all over with the whole opposite sex deal. Not going back to anyone from my past. Everything will be brand spankin' new. Including my practice tutu that should be coming in very soon. But until then, I'll think of all the possibilities of what could be happening to it right now...
Happy New Year!





PS. This is my dear friend, Justina. She such an amazing musician and wonderful friend! She is a mini Regina Spektor, and she's going to make it big time!!