Sunday, February 28, 2010

"i live for awkwardness."

"sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence." - david byrne


Who knew that a fun, crazy, thrilling night would all begin with a relaxing cup of tea? Who knew that one could find such comfort and satisfaction with someone by just sitting in complete silence? Who knew that I could spend this much time with you and actually not have any feelings for you?

Never underestimate the love of a pure friendship. I think that friendship is one of the most precious things anyone could ever have in their life. And I feel so blessed everyday to have some of the best friends in the world. I've recently discovered that you can never close your heart off to a good friendship. You don't have to seek for love all the time. Sometimes all you need is just a good friend, and that's what I've found myself. Everyone needs someone that you can talk to about anything and everything. Everyone needs someone that will tell you that you're amazing in every way possible. Everyone needs someont that makes awkward silences the best part of the conversation.

You, as well as others around you, are going to wonder why you and this person are just friends because you're so perfect for each other. But you know that friends is the only way it's going to have to be. And you know that it's only for the best.




i'll always be your first love. you'll always be my first love...

i will never love a man 'cause love and pain go hand in hand, and i can't do it again.

i will never love a man 'cause i could never hurt a man.

not in this new romantic way.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

the color of happiness.

"but who can say what's best? that's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much." - haruki murakami

I think that happiness + love are contagious. There are so many happy people and lovers around you. You should be one too.

Funny things may happen to funny people.
And bad things might happen to good people.
But love and life happens to happy people.
Be happy.


Happiness is:

eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. wearing shorts and tights in the winter cold. frozen fruit. late nights at the studio. snuggies. sunny d for breakfast. three bananas a day. keltie colleen. acing that calc test. going pee five times a day. believing in santa clause, love, and the tooth fairy. new pointe shoes. re-living memories. the beach. the city. teaching spanish to kindergarteners. diet coke. forgetting to put a bra on in the morning. mum's baking. dad's jokes. late night texting. pink nail polish. snow days. assemblies at school during your least favorite class. learning. being. living. loving. e-mails. summer dresses. of montreal. seahorses & jellyfish. sunshine. rain. the color yellow. honesty. coldplay.



look at the stars. look how they shine for you. and everything you do.

yeah, they were all yellow.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

the apology.


Keltie once wrote:

"When 'I'm sorry' is a staple of your vocabulary it becomes useless. I want a change in behavior, a change in your character, and I know that is impossible to ask of you because I know you too well. This is who you are, this is how you are, and I'm not supposed to try to change that. I'm accepting you as you, and moving on."



I thought that this applied to my situation so much. I thought that his silent apologies were useless, and he didn't have to say a single word for me to know that he just saying "sorry" over and over again. The way he would look at me in the hall and then look at the other girl, I just knew that he couldn't look me in the eye because of what he wanted to say. The way he just straight up ignored me. It was at those moments that I knew that I was the bigger person by walking away from something that I knew that hurt me. I knew at those moments that he wasn't regretful but only sorry.

Last night, he apologized to me. And I couldn't help but burst into tears. I was caught off guard and by surprise by the two little words: "I'm sorry". I was shocked. Stunned. And stupified.
I've dreamt of him coming back and apologizing for walking away and hurting me, and I would just say that it's too late. I expected to not take his apologies and tell him to save his breath. I would say that he would have to deal with the guilt of knowing that things could never be the same. I would say that he had his chance, but he chose immaturity...But I'm not like that. I believe in forgiveness and 2nd chances. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Life is too short to go through with grudges + regrets. Always remember that.

So the truth is: I've been waiting for so long to just hear these two simple word; I've deserved these words and this feeling for so long. And there they were. His apology was his "change in character". "His change in behavior". That I was waiting for all this time. He was surrendering to his guilt, and he became the smaller person. And he realized that. He admitted to being immature, and I couldn't feel more satisfied. Most of what I wanted him to figure out, he has, and has apologized for it. And it's a different kind of happiness.
I can't take him back. Because, like I said, things could never be the same. But now I feel like things have finally ended. Unfinished business is now finished. This wall is taken down. The case is closed. And I feel good.

And with this situation, I finally believe in "better late than never".
And now I feel like I can finally let go........

Sunday, February 21, 2010

the wall.

"i am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed." - sarah dessen


I have recently realized that there is a difference between moving on and letting go. I realized that moving on is the easy part and is just the beginning. You think moving on is hard? Letting go is what needs to happen.

I'm confused. So please just tell me what's on your mind.
That way I will know whether to take down this wall I've put up between us, or make it higher.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

making it.


Yesterday was my audition for Alvin Ailey's summer program. There were almost 70 dancers auditioning, and I was number 37. I got there early enough to stretch and prepare myself for almost an hour. There were even a couple of girls that I recognized from my LINES Ballet audition!! Nevertheless, the more people that came in, the more nervous I got. Alvin Ailey is my second choice summer program to attend, and I was really hoping to make it in.

The entire class was in the centre. It was the first time I've ever been to an audition like that! And since there were so many people auditioning, we had many different groups. It was different doing the entire audition in centre, but I did the best that I could. I pushed my extension to the limit. I made my petit allegro crisper than ever. I added an extra turn here and there. And I thought that the audition was going quite well.
Then the auditioner asked to line up in numerical order. And he started calling out numbers...when he skipped over my number, I thought: this could either mean I'm in or I'm out. He asked the numbers that he called to line up in front of him, and he said, "If I called your number, we are unable to accept you into the Alvin Ailey program at this time. You need to improve on your technique. But that doesn't mean you can't audition for next year." And I breathed a sigh of relief. I've never experienced an audition like this before. And it just contributed to the adrenaline rush. About 30 or 40 were eliminated and had to leave the studio. I tried to imagine myself in their position, and it hurt. I could be in the position of acceptance as I was yesterday, or I could be walking away someday. But that's just the way it works. You never know how things are going to end until the end.

After he made the cut, the auditioner announced that we were to roll up our tights to do the modern section of our audition. It is a modern company after all! As we were learning the combination, a former principal dancer for Alvin Ailey walked in. Her name is Linda Denise Fisher-Harrell, and that is her in that picture up there. She walked in with such grace and presence; it was both refreshing + nervewracking at the same time. To have a former principal dancer watch your audition was a chance to embarass yourself or a chance to prove yourself worthy. And let me say that I definitely messed up several times during the modern section of the audition, but I just looked over, and she was smiling. I knew that she recognized that fire in me. And that's exactly what I was going for.

The auditioner congratulated all of us that were left in the studio and said that we were all accepted into the summer program. He gave us information about checking into the university dorms and how things were going to go down when I arrive in NYC. Also, they gave me information about the BFA program partnership with Fordham University. I knew that this is where I'm going for the summer. This will give me a chance to spend time looking at Fordham University as well spend time in a city that I absolutely love!

Thanks for all your kind words you all have tweeted to me. You all are the sweetest people, and your positive vibes definitely help with my audition endeavors.

My next + last audition for this year is next Sunday in Washington D.C. for Pointpark University's summer program!!

Love love love,
xobria

Thursday, February 18, 2010

stress is the new negro.


Things just seem to be getting busier and busier around here! But definitely for the better. Life is looking so busy and beautiful these days. I love this fast paced kind of living. It keeps things flowing. No time to slack off and dwell about the past. Gotta keep moving on.

Yesterday I began some volunteer work at a local elementary school. I'm volunteering to help teach a kindergarten class some simple Spanish. I was a little nervous because I didn't really know what to expect walking in there, but as soon as I saw those little kids' faces, I knew that they would love me no matter what. That's the thing I love about little kids. You can screw up on anything, and they're still going to love you all the same.

I taught them counting from 1-10, which almost every kid these days knows how to do. Thanks to my homegirl, Dora the Explorer and her cuz Diego. And I taught them colors. And this is where I screwed up...I almost forgot how to say "black" in Spanish. I pointed to the color, and had a brain fart. Luckily, it came to me quick enough for me to not look like a fool. Negro. That's Spanish for the color "black".
I get to go to the school every week, and I can't wait to get to know the kids a little better as well as watch them learn Spanish! I've always loved volunteer work, but this one is so great because I also get to use what I've learned in school to help others. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Tomorrow is my audition for Alvin Ailey in Baltimore. I've got all my applications ready. All I've got to do is wash a few leotards, find some clean flat ballet shoes, pack a little, and get some good rest!! I'm very excited because Alvin Ailey is a great modern program, and I've been told several times that I would fit right in with them. Which I would definitely have to agree with. They are so strong in ballet, but even stronger in modern. I love it.

Also, I am going to announce that I am not going to be attending LINES Ballet's summer program. They're deposit deadline was more than a week ago, and it was still too early for me to make a decision. It was very hard to decline such an amazing program, but it also had to do with the whole housing situation. I had nowhere to stay! But I've still got one or two more auditions to do to close up this year's audition season. But I'm also looking into some other schools that I have overlooked for summer program auditions and their DVD auditions.

The work never ends!
Off I go...
xobria

PS. I love Priscilla Ahn.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

my last request.

"and i realize all about your lies, but i'm no wiser than the fool i was before."

If I didn't know any better, I'd end up in the same place. In your arms and unhappy. With your breath in my lungs and no heart in my chest. With the dirt from your hands on my skin and the uncertainty that I've always felt with you.

Good thing I know better.

Monday, February 15, 2010

how are things?

"a stupid mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again." - unknown




The other day, I put on your favorite song. And I didn't feel anything. I did the little dance I choreographed to it. And I didn't feel anything. This was when I knew that I don't care anymore. That I was finally free and moved on from you.

You asked me how I was doing, and instead of hinting that I missed you just the slightest bit, I said that I was wonderfully busy and loving life. You said that we will spend a little time together catching up on lost time, and I said "that would be nice." with sincerity, not eagerness.

Things are different now, and as much as I want to love you again and give you another chance. It's just not the same. Things will never be the same between us. One thing that I will make sure of as we spend our last times together is that I want you to know how much you fucked up. I want you to know that things would've looked brighter if you had chosen love. I want you to know that I was the only person that recognized your insecurities and was willing to be the one to deal with it and help you.

As much as I would like to start things all over with you again. I don't. As much as I want to erase our history and rediscover everything. I don't. As much as I want to tell you all the reasons why I love you. I won't. As much as I want to tell you how much you've hurt me. I won't.


As broken as I feel sometimes. I'm not.


Sunday, February 14, 2010

happy (valentine's) day.

Kirk Henning + Shira Lanyi; photo by: Aaron Sutten

"these violent delights have violent ends
and in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
which, as they kiss, consume." - friar lawrence; romeo + juliet, act ii, scene 6



Happy Valentine's Day, fabulous followers!
Today was a fabulous day in Richmond. The company left this morning at about 10 in the morning, and we arrived at the Carpenter Theatre around 1. The best thing about today was spending time with my other single friends. All my best friends have boyfriends, but all my good friends are single like me. I can honestly say that I would've had a miserable Valentine's Day if I was spending it with a bunch of people with significant others. But since I didn't, it was an awesome day! But then again, it didn't have to be Valentine's Day for me to just have a nice and happy day...

The ballet was exquisite. I recognized many of the dancers onstage, and it made it all the more special. Romeo + Juliet is my favorite ballet, and I was so excited to be sitting there in the presence of great dancers dancing the best ballet ever. First of all, let me say that the theatre was absolutely beautiful! It was beautifully decorated with old-timey stuff. It reminded me of the old movie theatre that's in the old area of my town.

The handsome, dreamy Kirk Henning played Romeo. He was a guest artist for our company the last time we did Coppelia, and I never forgot how I fell for him...no really, I fell. One time during rehearsal, my shoe came off, and he was right there in front of me. He held out his hand and assisted me to put my shoe back on. From that moment on, I knew it was love (ha!). He's an exquisite dancer, and the way he puts his heart and soul into his movements is just beautiful. He never sells himself short.
Juliet was played by Shira Lanyi. I've never seen her perform before, but I'm so glad that I got to see her as Juliet. She danced and acted the innocence and freshness of Juliet perfectly. Plus, her arabesque was to die for. When I watched her dance, I was smiling because she was just brilliant.

The balcony scene got to me, as always. I was in tears, and even though I knew it was coming, I still cried. Probably harder than I usually do. It makes me wonder what life would be like if it was like a ballet. Everyone would wear their hearts on their sleeves because to dance means to show your soul. Your heart. Who you really are. And maybe things would be easier. Maybe things that seem meant to be, will be meant to be.
The death scene also left me in tears. I've read the story of Romeo + Juliet several times, but seeing it performed beautifully as it was today pulled my heartstrings. I once thought that the story of R + J was dumb and naive. But when you know that what you have is all you'll ever need, you know. Romeo and Juliet might have been reckless teenagers, but they knew. And that's all that mattered.

Today was a beautiful and loving day. The universe did well for me today.
I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day as well!

All you need is love!
xobria

Saturday, February 13, 2010

how funny.

"to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. to love is to be vulnerable." - c.s. lewis

All I can say is that funny things happen to funny people.
When things start going your way, things will really start going your way. When you believe in yourself, your intentions, and your actions, things that are meant to be will happen. Pay attention to the little things. The little signs. The slightest whisper from the wind that tells you to move on and be happy.
And things will happen.

Today was the first company rehearsal in about two weeks because of the snow, but we worked diligently + timely. There is no time to dilly-dally along anymore. We're in a time crunch, and we're going to have to make it work. Costumes were flying. Variations were being taught on the side. Music from two different studios were clashing. You can call this chaos. But we call this family and fun. The rehearsal call list went up this morning, and I'm put down for Swanilda's Girlfriends and Mazurka/Czardas. Rehearsal was long today, but everyone helped each other catch up on steps that we got to leave early.

The last time I did Coppelia with the company was when I was in Grade 8!! We were watching the video, and I looked so tiny and baby-faced. Things have definitely changed since then, but I just smile at how much I've grown and how long ago that seemed.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I've had friends complain to me how much they hate it because they're single. I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. Things have always never worked out before the big day. But my best friend/4 am friend, Dylan, told me this: "You know what? I love Valentine's Day - it reinforces the idea that love should be a rule to live by."

And this is the reason why I don't hate Valentine's Day. I love love. And you should too. I'm spending the day in Richmond to see Richmond Ballet perform Romeo + Juliet (my favorite ballet!!). I am very excited because I know several people in the performance, and it will be nice to be back in the city that I spent most of my summer in.

xobria

This makes me cry every time I watch it...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

sweet rejection.



"do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. the world you desire can be won. it exists. it is real. it is possible. it's yours." - ayn rand



Today I received notice that I was not accepted into the San Francisco Ballet Summer Program. It's not the first time I've dealt with rejection. Of course I was disappointed when I found out that I wasn't accepted. I kept thinking to myself, "What did I do wrong? Was it my feet? Was it my arms?" But then I remembered that I worked so hard during that audition, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Pedro says that sometimes you're just not what they're looking for.

Most of the time, these companies are looking for tall girls with long legs. In other words, total opposite of me. But instead of hating what I'm not. I'm accepting who I am and embracing it. It's hard to see people criticizing their own bodies all the time. You have to realize that you have to love your body because it's the only one you've got.

On the brightside, I have several more auditions to attend with in the next couple of weeks that I can still succeed at. Also, I'm going to start working on my tape that I'm going to send to LINES Ballet for financial aid. This video will include: barre work, center work, a classical variation, and a contemporary piece choreographed by yours truly. I went to the studio early this afternoon to work on "Last Request", and let me just say that I've missed being at the studio just to dance around. It's been such a long time since I've just put on some music and messed around with some movement. It's how things are meant to be.

Tomorrow is only the second day I'm going to school this week thanks to the snow. And Saturday is the first company rehearsal in about two weeks because of all the snow. Snow, are you getting the hint that you're screwing up everyones' schedules?

xobria

PS. I can't wait to see Romeo + Juliet on Sunday for good ol' V-Day. What's a better way to spend Cupid day than with my girlies of the company and my favorite ballet?

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

mommy.

"the more you search + look, the more blind you become." - mom

Last night I had a heart-to-heart with my mother (isn't she beautiful?). Even though she was miles away on a business trip in Dallas, she still knows what it takes to make me understand and feel better.
I told her what has been on my mind for the past week: I'm afraid to grow up. I never realized it until just about a week ago. And this is when she told me stories about her first leaving home and what it's like to be out on your own. She is the smartest woman I know.

It was then that I realized that all that she has done to me was training to do nothing but make the right decisions. It's all in preparation for me to go out on my own. My career is going to take me to many different places, but that's what I'm looking forward to most. I will experience so many things that just so few get to experience. My mother confessed to some things I never would've thought a grown-up or mommy would ever confess to. But it made me realize that once again that we're all human with the same bones, muscles, brains, and feelings. Hardly anything sets us apart from each other.

I explained to her that the thing that I'm most afraid of is being alone. And I realized that my career can be a lonely life, but it's what I want to do and I love doing it so that's all that ever matters to me. I told her how I wonder how some people do it. How some people can be constantly happy. I'm not saying that I'm constantly depressed. I'm saying that I somehow only know how to make others happy, but I don't know how to make myself happy sometimes. And my mom explained it all in one single word: envy. I was confused because I consider myself to be not a particularly jealous person. She said that sometimes you look for something that is right in front of you. And I know that most of what I will ever need is right in front of me. Happiness is a choice, so choose to look for the happiest things in your life first before searching for things that you might already have.

Thanks to some tears, my mommy's wise + kind words, and a hot cup of tea, I don't think I'm so afraid of growing up anymore.

Mommies are the best. Don't ever get too mad at her for the things she does because she does them for a reason. You won't realize that until years later, like me now. Don't ever grow apart from her as you grow older because the older you get, the more you'll need her.

Here's to another school-less day + great mommies!
xobria

Sunday, February 07, 2010

oh man, san fran...

"keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - mark twain



I'm finally back on my audition schedule because it was sunny outside today and the roads were in perfect condition. Thankfully the audition site wasn't too far away from where I live, just a measly 2 1/2 hours! So my father + I were on the road to UNCSA, and let me tell you...The drive was absolutely gorgeous. When the sun was just past the horizon, it hit the branches of the trees that were along the road. The branches were covered with so much ice. The way the sun hit the branches made them glitter and sparkle like they were made of silver or crystal. It made me smile. It was so beautiful.

After grabbing some crackers and Baby Bel swiss cheese a snack to hold me over until after the audition, we headed over to the studios. I got there a little early, so I sat there getting physically and spiritually ready for the audition. This includes stretching and listening to loud, pumping music. And this is when the adrenaline started mixing with the nerves today. I'm rarely nervous for auditions, but for some reason, I was particularly nervous today. I think it was because: 1. San Francisco Ballet dancers are beastly amazing and 2. I felt like the tiniest, shortest, youngest girl out of all the tall, lean, and older girls that were entering the door.

My hands were shaking as I handed the man at the registration table my headshot. But when I got my number, 1003, I saw it as a sign. Ten is my birthday date (10/10) and three is my lucky number. It made me a relax. Just a little. My hands were shaking as I pinned my number onto my leotard. My hands were shaking as I tied the ribbons on my pointe shoes. When they called us into the studio, I noticed that there were a couple of people that I had met in Richmond this past summer. And it was nice to see them again.

To be honest, the beginning of the class didn't go so smoothly. Because first of all, the teacher was a beast. He danced with ABT and (obviously) San Fran. He had the most beautiful long legs I've ever seen on man, and he had exquisite extension ending with the prettiest feet I've ever seen on a man as well. A beast, I tell you. So that intimidated me. Very much. And the way he examined me worried me that I was doing everything wrong. But that's where the whole audition turned around.

So what if I was the tiniest, shortest, and youngest girl in the audition? That doesn't mean I'm not as capable as the tall, lean, and older girls. I wanted to show him, as well as myself, that just because I'm physically little, I'm a big person. I have big dreams and a big heart. And that's all that's going to matter in the end. So that's when my piqués got a little crisper and my port de bras got a little smoother. Believe in yourself because if you won't. No one else will.

Another thing I've discovered about auditions: find that one thing that you are particularly good at. Maybe it's turning. Maybe it's balancing. Maybe it's jumping. Know your strengths. Because that's what's going to set you apart from the rest of the girls. At today's audition, the beautiful teacher gave us a crazy, Tasmanian devil fouette combination. We did it to the right side one time, and then he asked to see it again. To the right. Again.

He asked, "You ladies don't want to do it to left do you?" and I was the only one saying "yes."
He asked, "Does anyone want to do it to the left? Do I have any lefties?" All the girls were shaking their heads and saying "no".
And my hand shot up like a bullet, and I was the only one. (Just more proof that I'm out of the norm.)
But it was my chance to show him why I'm different in a sea of girls that all looked the same. And I feel like I succeeded.

So all in all, the San Francisco Ballet audition was a fun class with a great teacher that whipped my butt into shape. If I get accepted, I might consider actually going there. I feel like if I go there, I'd turn into a beast. Just like the teacher.

My father and I ended the audition trip with a dinner at Bonefish Grill. Their Bang Bang Shrimp + Tokyo Ahi Tuna. Delish.

My next audition is for Alvin Ailey (New York) at Baltimore, MD on February 19th!

So until next time, followers.
Happy dancing + auditioning,
xobria

Saturday, February 06, 2010

smack.


"why are you crying?"
"life hit me in the face."

Last night, I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" for just the second time, and I cried more this time than I did the first time I watched it.
First, let me say that Brad Pitt is beautiful. Not only physically, but his personality and skills as an actor are so real. It's touching. And I just get lost in his gorgeous eyes...

But the last time I watched this movie was before all the drama, confusion, heartbreak, and change. And watching it a second time feeling a little more "experienced" (for lack of a better word) was what made me cry harder. The thing about life is that "you never know what's coming for you" (as quoted from the movie). But it's what you do with those things that come for you that make your life something that you're proud of. Things may happen for a reason and karma will be the biggest bitch it wants to be, but it's the way you handle everything that makes all the difference.

I'm four months away from the end of my junior year in high school. And it hit me last night that I'm not a little girl anymore. I think I've always felt younger than I really am because I am one of the youngest people in my grade, and I've watched all my classmates around me get their licenses before me and go out more often like the young adults they are. But watching life through the eyes of Benjamin Button made me realize life is too too short. It sounds so fucking cliché, but it seriously just feels like yesterday I was just in elementary school chasing around the boys and wishing I could wear a tutu and a pair of pointe shoes. It feels like yesterday I had no idea what it was like to be kissed and cared for by a boy. It feels like yesterday I didn't know the pain of heartbreak and betrayal.

And it was all yesterday when I realized that tomorrow is all that matters at this point.
Just because I'm growing up doesn't mean that I'm going to lose my childlike breath of life. I'm going to live on it.
I'm not the little girl I thought I was. I'm the woman I've become to be and hoped of becoming...haha, I can't say that I'm a woman without a straight face! But...
Time is of the essence.

The snow has ruined my weekend once again by canceling today's company rehearsal. But it looks as if the roads are going to be nice enough for me to travel to good ol' Winston-Salem, NC for my San Francisco Ballet Summer audition. Finally can get back in the swing of auditions!

Tally ho!
xobria

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

hopeless romantics are the hopeful.



I always felt like I was the only hopeless romantic out there in the world. Even if I talked to my sister, my best friend, and blogged about what I think love is all about. Being a hopeless romantic meant leading somewhat of a lonely life.

But as I am continuing to be snowed in, I found another hopeless romantic, and we had a good conversation about why we are the way we are. And I complained about how he made moving on sound so easy, and then I thought to myself. Moving on really should be an easy thing. Easy as picking up your things and moving to the room across the hall.

I said, "I need someone new. Something I've never seen before."

He said, "We all do."

I complained about holding back because I've been hurt. And he just responded with a "fuck them. Just move on. Just do it." And it's then when I realized that it doesn't ever have to be hard. We make it hard ourselves. We put this unneeded weight on the pain and love we get from relationships. I read The Unbearable Lightness of Being with ignorance because I read it with all the weight of holding on in my heart and on my shoulders. He told me to lighten up. On everything.

Being hopelessly romantic shouldn't be a bad thing. It shouldn't be a sad story. It shouldn't be a sad life. In my conversation with another hopeless romantic, I've realized that it's quite something quite hopeful.

We aren't picky. We're humble and honest.
We aren't waiting for a happily ever after. We're waiting for a once upon a time.

xobria


it's fine if you don't love me 'cause somebody else will...
when you love yourself enough for two. so there's no use to love you.
PS. Thanks to Lore for the new banner!! It looks great!!