Wednesday, March 31, 2010

innocence.


"all things truly wicked start from innocence." - ernest hemingway


We went for a long walk in the blooming woods.
And I lost myself in you.

I stared at you without a blink.
And you lost the staring contest.

And as we walked back to reality together,
You didn't hold my hand.
Even though I felt your fingers right there
As if you'd never let go.

This is us.

I don't feel changed all too much.
Actually, I feel all the same.

And I'm okay with that.

xobria

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

dreams do come true.


"how perfect. it's your cinderella story, bria. i'm so proud of you." - dad.


Tonight I found out the most surprising and blessed news, and I am the happiest girl alive. That's how I feel at least, and I think that's all that matters.
Sadly, I am unable to reveal what was told to me this evening by the company director, but hopefully this picture and reaction from my father will clue you in...

But the point is, dreams do come true. I'm coming to the end of my innocent days, and growing up from a little girl with a dream to a woman with bigger dreams, accomplishments, and acheivments than I could have ever imagined is my dreams coming true. I've been working for this my entire life, and when you've been working so hard for one thing and one thing only for your entire life, you will get it. Just be patient. I thought this day would never come for a short statured, short legged girl like me, but it has. And tomorrow it could be you. Just never never never never never give up (there are never enough "never's" in this world to express how much you should never give up your dream).

And I can't help but think how far I've come and how hard I've worked, and I shed a tear.
And I still can't grasp the idea that this is just the beginning...

Monday, March 29, 2010

coppelia.


Finally some time to just sit down, write, and catch you all up on my amazing weekend!

The first show was on Friday morning, and we all had to be at the theatre at 7 in the morning! School performances are my favorite! I just love seeing all the kids' reactions and smiles on their faces. Many of the students that attend the school performances have never seen a ballet before, so it's such a great experience for both the student and performer. Students are a true audience because they will clap and cheer for things that they like to see. And let me tell you, they applauded a lot! The energy of the audience definitely is reciprocated through the dancing, and it's such an amazing thing when the performers feed off of the audience's energy. They were such a great audience that morning, and it was such a great start to a long and promising weekend!




The next day was a long day. It started out with the Senior Company auditions. Although I've been in Senior Company for 3 years already, I still have to audition to make it fair for everyone. And I woke up that morning realizing that that company audition will be my last Company audition. High school seniors won't have to audition for company, and I'll be one of them next year. I started to tear up and feel melancholic about the whole experience. This company has taught me so much, and everyday I am thankful that I have found such an inspiring and great company that will continue to grow and breed great dancers. I know I shouldn't be talking like this just quite yet because I still have a whole year until I'm out of here, but just realizing that we all don't have much time makes things seem a little more precious. A little more valuable. So don't take anything you have for granted. For a single moment.


The first show on Saturday was at 3 o' clock, and just like we had all expected, it wasn't a very large crowd. The show went very well regardless of the size of the audience. And just like any athlete, after the show, we were all eager to eat. Wraps were catered by Elderberry's, and they are such a great sponser for us. And I definitely think we keep them in business. There wasn't much time to get ready in between the shows, but we were all ready in time for the curtain to go up at 7 o' clock. That evening was the last time I would be doing the part of one of Swanilda's Girlfriends, and let me tell you, that part is so fun. It's so much fun being able to portray a character that is all your own. For a few hours and moments you have onstage, you get to be someone different. And sadly, I think this is where I get the habit of putting on a show of someone that I'm not. I'm too good at going through life as this girl that is perpetually happy. This girl that knows how to brighten up everyone's day other than her own. This girl that can't kick people out of her life that continually hurt her. This girl that is hopeful of people that she shouldn't trust...but I frankly don't care. I learn so much about life, love, and happiness by being this girl all the time. And if that's what it takes to learn more about the things that really matter in life, then I'll continue to be this girl.




Yesterday was the final show, and everyone was in a bittersweet mood. Everyone loves this ballet, and it was so hard to see it come and go so quickly. The melancholic feeling from the company audition had lasted until the final performance. It was a bad mood to be in, but it was really hitting me this weekend that it's the beginning of a long strand of "lasts" for me and my fellow juniors.
But regardless, the performance yesterday was exquisite! We even sold more seats than we had tickets! The ticket people had to start writing on napkins! How crazy! As far as the dancing: one of my very closest friends played the lead ballerina role of Swanilda, and I'm so proud of her. Every time she dances the part, she improves and looks even more beautiful. As I was sitting onstage as a Mazurka dancer watching the wedding pas de deux, I started choking up with tears. She's a senior this year, and this was her last big performance with the company. I was holding back the tears as I watched her perform the pas the best I've ever seen her do it.


And as the curtain went down after the final bows, we were back in reality. I was back in the arms of my family, Southwest Virginia Ballet. Pedro gave a speech about how this isn't the end for our senior, but it's the beginning for all of us. And this is when several of us started bursting out into tears, we were back in reality. This whole weekend was one big, surreal experience, and nobody wanted it to end. We all smothered each other with hugs and running mascara as we all said our "goodbyes" and "thank yous" to the Pedro, the stage hands, backstage volunteers, the costume ladies, etc. etc...


Reality is reality. And sometimes your reality will seem like a fantasy, and that's when you really have to realize that you love your reality.



reality.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

day number four: the spoon + the company man.


pups spoon too.


Tonight was the final dress rehearsal for Coppelia. It wasn't the smoothest run through, but that only means that the performances will (knock on wood). Everyone was definitely a lot more relaxed tonight, but it still takes a lot to get used to the theatre. It's one thing to do it in the studio thousands of times, but doing it in the theatre is completely different.

Everytime we do a full run through of this ballet, I have flashbacks to the first time we did it. The sets, music, and costumes bring back so many great memories from when I first became part of the company. It seems such a long time ago since then, but it was only 3 years ago! I feel older than I actually am. How awful...

Tomorrow is an early morning. It includes tights, a leotard, breakfast tea, and smelly ballet shoes.

Listy-list!
-"The Company Man" by Ellen Goodman. We read it for my English class. It scared me. I've had visions of myself building my dance career and doing nothing but dancing, teaching, choreographing, traveling, etc. In constant motion. Never stopping. This essay was written to send out the message that you shouldn't let your job or other things get in the way of the things that really matter: family, friends, moments, love. I'm afraid that even though I always need these things in my life and strongly believe in the forces of love, I'll get lost in my work. I'll be a work-a-holic, and I'll regret it...
-My cast of girlfriends is the best cast. We're so silly.
-I'm supposed to be the woman of the night. Although I tend to forget that when I actually get onstage.
-I forgot eyebrows today.
-Pictures with the girlfriends tonight was fun. Like I said, we're silly.
-Wet leotards aren't fun to wear.
-Granny panties on the other hand, are the best.
-I can't breathe in my girlfriends costume. I love it.
-Snug•gle (v.) -- to lie or press closely, as for comfort or from affection. NOT a snuggie rip off.
-Spoon•ing (v.) -- a form of affection between a couple. Where the man lays front to back with the girl. they fit together like spoons. NOT forking someone's yard except with spoons of course...
-"Fire" by Augustana = song of the day.

xobria

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

day number three: the eyelash glue condom.


the eyelash glue condom.


Dress rehearsal.
Today was a little frantic because we overestimated the amount of time that we had to get ready, therefore resulting in leotard wedgies + hairpin headaches (from all the bobby pins shoved in last minute). But I always love dress rehearsals because it's like a real show without the pressure of a real show. Of course, you still have to do your best, but if you mess up, at least it wasn't in the performance!

Tomorrow is the final dress rehearsal before the school show on Friday and the public shows starting Saturday! Hope to see you all there!


The list:
-Today when I went to go teach Spanish at the elementary school, one of the kids kept hugging me. His name is Will. I wondered if he'd be as bold + sweet when he grows up.
-I don't know much about cars. Make that nothing about cars.
-If you hear the beat of "Pursuit of Happiness (Steve Aoki Remix)" blasting from somebody's car speakers, it's probably me.
-My eyelash glue hasn't been opened since Nutcracker. Hence the "condom".
-Fries + tools are the perfect combination.
-My Mazurka skirt is wayyyy too long. Not to mention, it makes me look like I have a huge donk. Sir Mix A Lot would really enjoy this show.
-The photographer/my prom date's daddy said that he wants me to do a backflip and snap a picture when I'm midair. I'm totally up for it.
-I need to learn how to do a backflip.


xobria

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

day number two: the hot guy lean.

yes. that is a life-size cut-out of taylor lautner.


The second night in the theatre was definitely better. Everyone was getting their marks and getting all together and just getting used to the stage. It's really coming together. It's so amazing how Pedro + a theatre + backstage moms can make for smooth rehearsals and wonderful shows (don't mean to jinx anything...)
Tomorrow consists of full hair, make-up, costumes, and lights. I still can't believe that it's time for Coppelia. It came so fast this year! It snuck up on all of us, but like I said: it wouldn't be as wonderful as it is if it weren't for that lovely equation up there.

The list:
-There is this thing called "The Hot Guy Lean". Refer to the Taylor Lautner cut-out for more information.
-Stage air is dry when you breathe it. But it's juicy when you live it.
-Larry makes the best Dr. Coppelius. Ever.
-I like butts. And I'm not the only one. A few of my girlies and I are going to start a "I Like Butts" Club.
-No. I do not need a trolley. I've got feet. Don't I?
-The Gospel According to Larry. How many of you have read it? It's pretty good. I just hate feeling like I'm allowed to be a different person on the Internet. I shouldn't have to be. I'm not. ...Am I?

xobria

Monday, March 22, 2010

theatre week: day one + the morning after.


it's spring fever, baby.


Yessiree!! It is the beginnings of Coppelia theatre week, and tonight was the first tech rehearsal. It was so reminiscent to see all the sets up onstage; the last time I did this ballet, I was a little 8th grader in junior company. It's so amazing how much can change, grow, and pass by in such a short period of time. It was my first year in the company the last time we did this ballet, and now I'm a senior company member graduating in a year. Time goes by too fast.


The rehearsal itself wasn't too terrible. It was the first night of theatre week. What else can I say? The stage is spacious for a high school stage which is very nice. Things start to get surreal when it's dress rehearsal. It will be splendid though. Plus, I get to see my prom date's daddy this week because he does photos for our shows! How fantastic is that!


I feel like I always do these check list things whenever it's theatre week, so here we go...
-Time flies when you're onstage.
-Time slows down when your knee is inflamed.
-My left foot is smaller than my right foot. So much smaller. I don't like it.
-Double stoplights are stupid.
-I'm too good at pretending to be mad/sad/happy/interesting. I should've been an actress.
-Christina Perri's music makes my heart melt.
-I've got a major choreo project coming up. And I'm excited.


xobria


PS. Dyl's boyfriend/the big brother that I've always wanted, Dave, is in this band called The Morning After. And although I don't approve of many things that they say in this video, I do approve of their sweet music making. So this is what real musicians do: sing into a microphone for hours, talk about Megan Fox's pussy, and dance like leprechauns.
And vote for them to play at Warped Tour at http://www.battleofthebands.com/themorningafter


PPS. Nice filming job, Dyl.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

the roller coaster.



I'm finally getting off this ride of you + me.
This roller coaster of uncertainty.

I hate roller coasters and their scary ups, downs, twists, and bends.
But this is one ride I wouldn't mind riding again.

I'm finally hopping off this ride with a happy heart.
With a dandy dance and a fresh, new start.

Goodbye.
And good riddance.

xobria

Saturday, March 20, 2010

pursuit of happiness.

"may we never let the things we can't have, or don't have, or shouldn't have, spoil our enjoyment of the things we do have and can have. as we value our happiness let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to be happy without the things we cannot of should not have." - richard l. evans

Happiness is a choice. And it's a choice that I try to choose every day. No matter what is going on in my life, I'd like to be able to walk out of the door every morning with a smile on my face. To approach each day with the intention of being happy.
But there was a long time in my life where I chose happiness for the wrong reason. I chose happiness because I felt trapped. I chose happiness because I forced myself to love a boy that would never love me back. He made me happy; there's no doubt about that. He made me happy enough for me to love him, but never enough for him to love me back. It was the happiest I've ever been in my life thus far, but looking back, I see that it wasn't true happiness. I was afraid that I wouldn't be happy without him. But I was only lying to myself. I thought that if I tried hard enough, it would happen. But I really knew that I was better than these secrets + lies, and that he didn't deserve my patience, kindness, and forgiveness. So, I was being the ever-so-hopeful, too-trusting version of myself that I'm too good at putting on. And I played that part for more than a year. Too long.

But when I was finally free of him, I discovered that I was happier without him. I didn't have to worry about his silences or how many text messages I sent him. I didn't have to worry about looking for him in between classes or getting a chance to say goodbye to him at the end of the day. I didn't have to worry about wearing his favorite color or trying to look good with his car. And that's what made me truly happy. So, here's the thing: don't put yourself through something because you're good at lying to yourself. Don't put yourself through something you know you're better off without. And even though it doesn't look like it now, brighter days are ahead with happiness. Even if that means letting go of that one thing that is holding you back...





In exactly one week is our show of Coppelia. Which means that Monday is the beginnings of theatre week!! It's a little bittersweet going to the theatre because this is the last big performance of the company's season. And I know that I really shouldn't be thinking about this, but I realized today that there are only a few more months until my last Nutcracker with the company. I really can't believe that I'm this old! I can't believe that I've been with the company this long to see it grow so much in such a short period of time. Just unbelievable. I am so excited to be in the theatre though. Coppelia is one of my favorite ballets. It's so great to watch and even more fun to be a part of! We are so excited to present this show, and I think it shows in all the long day rehearsals. It's so refreshing.

However, I've hit a little bump in the road because my right knee is inflammed + filled with fluids. Ick. It hurts, and I'm forced to take it easy and dance in flat shoes rather than pointe shoes. I know that it's only for the best, but it makes me a little nervous when it's a week until the big show...thank goodness for big bags of ice!

See you all in theatre week!
xobria

PS. I always love cute, little, foreign singers.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

the feather.

"yes, you can lose somebody overnight. yes, your whole life can be turned upside down. life is short. it can come and go like a feather in the wind." - shania twain


Today my friend and I were playing around with a bunch of craft feathers that she had. They were brightly colored and fluffy. And we just played around with them throwing them up in the air and watching them float down onto the table tops. But then I came across the perfect feather. The perfect feather. It was perfect in every way. It was perfectly shaped, fluffed, and most importantly: the way it floated. It's descent was so flawless. Any ordinary person would take this feather for granted. But I love this feather.

My friend pointed out that we were making these feathers to be something quite metaphorical. She had found a feather with a little broken barb. She said,

"This feather represents me. And this little piece represents my heart. It's still attached, but it's trying so hard to keep from falling off."







I always talk about being light-hearted and taking away any unnecessary weights off of your life, yet I can't seem to do it myself. However, these dinky craft feathers have taught me a few things. People are going to take others for granted, but you could be that person that's going to treasure someone and think that they're absolutey perfect. And that's all that matters. The way you float is the most important part of life. The wind will blow you in different directions, but the way you handle the wind and keep floating along determines how light + lofty you really are. And this is what people will truly admire you for.


the left one is you. the right one is me.
you are the perfect feather to me. i treasured you.
i'm just a small, ordinary feather to you. that doesn't know how to float.
i wish i could float like you...


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

it's past my bedtime.


Do you have those memories when you feel like they didn't happen? At the moment, it seemed like everything was going so perfectly, and you just wanted to freeze time forever. But right after it's over, it seemed like it never happened. Even just 5 seconds after. It never happened.

I hate these memories because they're always the best moments of my life.
And they're the ones that I can't seem to let go of.



This week has been dubbed "Prom week" at school. I once wished that I was one of those girls that didn't have to worry about not being asked to Prom, but now I'm feeling a little differently about it. Being a girl that doesn't normally get asked out. A girl that isn't with the popular crowd yet can get along with everyone. A girl that is better off being friends with boys rather than having a boyfriend. I think that if I were to be asked to Prom this year, it would be really amazing. It would be even more special since I won't be expecting it.

I could wish to be one of those girls, or I could continue to wish to be who I am and want to be.
Guess which one I choose. Always.
xobria

PS. This guy is legit. I was first grossed out by the long nails, but I took it back when I realized that he was a boss.

Monday, March 15, 2010

be the change.

"if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make a change." - michael jackson

The end of my crazy + busy weekend has finally arrived, and I can FINALLY breath!

SATs really weren't all that terrible. They just got tedious and seemed as if they would never end!! By the end, I just wanted to get out of there and give my brain a rest! My scores will be available on April 1st, and although I think that I didn't do too badly, I just know that these scores won't be seen by anyone soon.

Too bad the stressing didn't end because right after SATs, I had to go to rehearsal and get ready to do a full run through of Act I of Coppelia. The show is in less than two weeks, and we'll be in the theatre in a week from today! We're all working so hard to get everything together, but there is still a lot of cleaning to be done. It was a long day of keeping up with switching casts and teaching the other people the order of the ballet, and we got a lot of stuff done. Although I don't think that at this moment we're ready to put a show on, I know that we'll be able to get it together just in time for the show. Pedro works magic. The Backstage ladies work magic, too. They make all of this possible and make the backstage antics less dramatic. We save the drama for the stage, and I can't wait to hit the wings and get gussied up in tights for those bright lights!

On Sunday, I did community service to pack meals for the many people that were effected by the earthquake in Haiti. Over 300,000 people were effected by the earthquake, and we were determined to pack that many meals so that every single person could have something to eat. By the time that a few of our company members and I arrived, they already had packed about 100,000 meals! This was a such a great cause, and I am so glad that I got be a part of it. The meals that we packed were perfectly proportioned with soy protein, vegetables, chicken flavoring and seasoning, and rice (placed in that order exactly!). It was a mad house in there with people running around packing, weighing, and sealing off meal bags. They were also taking donations, and it's so amazing to think that $1 feeds 10 hungry people.
And as I was frantically pouring the chicken flavoring into the meal bags every 5 seconds, the famous Michael Jackson song "Man In The Mirror" played. It was the perfect song to be playing while everyone was contributing to such a life-changing experience. Anyone can change the world. Take one step at a time, and you will see that you really can make a difference. Seeing hundreds of people come in and out of the building to pack meals was so inspiring. Everyone is willing to help, and I just couldn't help but tear up. All the people that will receive these meals are going to be so thankful. They're going to eat the food, and they're going to know that there are good people in the world. Be those good people. It makes you feel amazing, and just thinking about the people you are helping.

It's truly amazing.
xobria

Thursday, March 11, 2010

hell week.

"a real woman may soften a man, but she will never weaken him." - unknown


That is the only version of you that I like. The softer side that you don't let other people see. That is the side of you that makes me happy and most comfortable. I know that I'm the only girl that you allow to see that side of you, and that's what I like most about you. That's the side that I like. Because otherwise, you're full of shit. And I don't like that.


Today, I sent in all my paperwork to register for the Alvin Ailey Summer Program!! I seriously can't wait to get all settled into NYC, aka my favorite city. I'll be leaving around June 19th move into Fordham University. Six weeks of intense dancing, city obsessing, discovering, and people loving will be here before I know it!! But I'm afraid that as soon as I get there, I won't be able to leave!

I must also apologize for the lack of interesting things to say for this week. It is the most stressful week of my life, I must say with a billion tons of schoolwork to do on top of taking SATs on Saturday plus another 6 hour rehearsal. With the show in about 2 weeks, there isn't any time to waste!! This weekend I'll be busy with a history paper, an English paper, other ridiculous homework assignments, packing meals for Haiti, and maybe finding time to sleep?

xobria

Monday, March 08, 2010

i need answers.

"i think it's better to have someone, even if it hurts, even if it is the most painful thing you have ever done, even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do. i think it's better to have someone, than to have no one at all." - unknown



On average, a person falls in love just three times in their lifetime.


You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. It just happens. It's something that you can't ever let go of.


I know that I'll fall in love with someone years from now. Someone that will make me happy and love me back. Someone that will give me everything that you can't right now.


And as much as I can't wait to meet that lovely fellow, all I have now is you. And I can't help but be happy.


I might not know all the answers to my questions. But I know how I feel. And hopefully that will be enough.


Sunday, March 07, 2010

honk honk!



I picked the perfect weekend to start driving by myself. It's sunny outside and almost 60 degrees. I've always loved cold weather, but I've had my share of winter this year. So bring on the short shorts and braless tank tops!! I'm so ready for it to be hot hot hot!
I was driving around with the windows down and music blasting. I thought I would feel super grown up driving around by myself, but it honestly isn't that much different than just driving around with my parents, ha. Except for the fact that I get to blast the music, of course. And I only play good music, so I'm not one of those guys that blasts gross music with a bass that makes you want to throw up. I promise I'm not.

Today was the scholarship audition that I've been preparing for since January. The judges were a couple of lovely ladies that I've taken master classes from. One was a modern teacher and the other was a musical theatre teacher. The scariest thing is seeing one of the judges staring at you expressionless as well as scrutinizing your every move, aka the musical theatre teacher. It makes me so anxious! But when you see them smile at you at the littlest thing that you do, it makes everything instantly better. When I was performing my own choreographed piece, I saw the musical theatre smile a little when I did a Fosse-inspired move. (At the time I was choreographing that piece, I had just watched "Damn Yankees" the night before.)
I was so nervous for this audition! But in the end I think that I did really well. Probably better than I've ever done it before, and I'm happy. And from what the other girls said, it sounds like they did really well, too. There were only three of us auditioning, and we were talking about how all three of us are working so hard and that we all deserve a good amount of money. But we complained about how we have to wait so long to find out the results!!

After the audition, I spent a little time with him. I drove to his house (after a scary journey up the mountain and getting lost trying to find it), and we spent a little time driving around listening to some crazy music. I met his parents and played with his dogs. We went for a nice hike through the woods, and we shared stories of our childhood. I had such a great time with him like we always do, but I realized yesterday that we don't deserve each other, and I just don't think it's going to work out. We are so comfortable around each other, and we make each other happy in a way that I never thought I existed. But it's just that I keep waiting around for something that isn't going to happen, and it's just time for me to let it go for good.

I'm going to walk away not because I want to. But because I have to.
And part of me wants to see if he'll come chasing after me...

xobria

Saturday, March 06, 2010

"and that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. they think everyone does too." - khaled hosseini


I meant it every single time I said, "I like this." or "I just like spending time with you." I meant it when I said, "I forgive you." I mean everything I say because I know that whom ever I'm telling it to would want the sincere truth.
When you said, "I want you." and "I'm most comfortable around you." I believed it. Even after all the lies and excuses you told me a long time ago. Because the truth is: you never stop loving someone. I love you for the fact that you're not perfect and that we're the weirdest when we're together. But the other truth is that you don't want me. And I don't like the thought of that. But I also don't like the thought of not loving you.


Today was a long day at rehearsal. We're putting all the little pieces together for Coppelia which is coming up in three weeks!! It's just right around the corner, and I just know that it will be sooner than we expect! Everyone is working so hard to learn the parts and understand the ballet (because this isn't a very well known ballet). It's so refreshing to see people working as hard as you are. It's so motivating to see one of your peers doing so well when they dance. It's so inspiring when I see the company director, Pedro, putting everything he can into this production because he loves us. The company has become my family, and this is why I love my life so much.

Tomorrow is the Footnotes scholarship audition!! I've prepared my Balanchine variation as well as my own choreographed piece. And for some reason, I'm getting a little nervous. I know that I've practiced many times for this, but for some odd reason, I don't feel ready. But I think I'm just overreacting....Wish me luck!!

xobria

PS. Today is also my best friend, Dylan's, birthday. Have a wonderful one, my Dyl pickle!!

Thursday, March 04, 2010

float on.

Trust me, I'm a very funny person. It doesn't take much to make me laugh, and I always enjoy a good joke and light-hearted times.
There some things, some situations, some people that I can't take lightly. Most people do. But I don't. I'm not normal in that way. I'm still learning how to take things lightly and be a little less serious.
I'm young, reckless, and hopeful. I get it. But I've really really really got to lighten up...

Last night, I went out to IHOP with my best friend, Dylan, and her boyfriend, Dave. And normally in these situations, I would feel like a dopey little third wheel. But we all get along so well that I hardly even noticed that they were a couple + me tagging along. That is until of course they started making out front of me, but that's a different story...
But what I wanted to say is that I saw love last night. Right in front of my very eyes. And I'm not going to lie, I wanted that for myself so badly. Right that very minute. And when I got home last night, I sat on my bed and wondered why things never work out for me. I kept thinking of all these excuses, and that's when I thought to myself, "There I go again, taking things too seriously."
I over-analyze things. I think most girls do, but let me just say that I'm the master of it. I try so hard to be that person that someone will want to be with. I push myself to the edge to where it's a lose-lose situation. Usually, it's between me getting hurt or me getting hurt. I'm really really really trying to get to the point where I can just float on through a situation without the weight of doubts or excuses hanging over my head.

I think that I just need to learn how to float. Because even though I'll be riding on thin air, I still know that the earth is still there down below me to ground me only when I need it.

xobria



alright, already, we'll all float on.
alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.

PS. Sunday is my scholarship audition, and I'm very nervous, yet excited, for it. I've been rehearsing for weeks for this, and I think I'm ready as I'll ever be. Plus, I can't wait to see what the other girls have prepared for it. I wonder if the judges will be different this year...