Monday, January 03, 2011

this secret will eat me alive.

"more people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them" - harold j. smith

I'm in the middle of a mistake.
A big, fat, ugly mistake. And I know that it's the thing that will eat me alive from the inside out, but nothing is calling me away from it.
I'm hating myself for this feeling, but I can't help it. And I'm not fighting it at all.

I've searched everywhere for the answer as to why I keep making this same mistake. But maybe the one place I haven't looked is within myself. There's something wrong with me. I think this is the "it's not you, it's me" moment in which it actually makes sense.

I could tell someone my secret to get it off my chest. But this once. Just this once. I'm not going to tell a single soul. This battle is between me and this secret. And I refuse to be the one that loses. However, at this very moment, I'm feeling a little weak inside.

I regret nothing.
But I hate myself for this.
I really do.


now my life is one big make it or break it.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is everything alright Bria? Just so you know, you have tons of people who love you and you can always talk to your fans :))))

What happened to your formspring?

bria ballerina said...

Yes, I can promise you I'm emotionally + physically fine. I just got in the middle of something that I shouldn't have, and I've got some thinking and self-forgiving I've got to do.
And as much as I love you guys too, that's all I'm leaving it at. Thanks for being there though <3

But people were abusing my formspring by asking very personal questions and calling me inappropriate words. I am not necessarily bothered or hurt by it. I'm just disgusted and annoyed by the comments I get in there. I've put up with it and ignored it, but sometimes enough is enough. I might open it back up, but probably not. Again I apologize to those that had legitimate questions and things to say to me. But if you have a question, feel free to e-mail me at briaballerinax@gmail.com! I hope you guys understand.

Thanks again to all of you for reading!
<3bria

Anonymous said...

First and foremost thanks for responding :))) secondly hate sucks, so many people who clearly have no lives leave vulgar comments in my formspring even though they don't know me -___- thirdly I am glad that you are ok, and I don't expect you to tell us what is wrong cause that is personal, I think everyone is happy you're ok :)))

ooh but on a lighter not did you see keltie on the bachelor, she looked so a m a z i n g!!! I loved her entire outfit and accessories, I also loved the jig she did to get the rose :)))

- sincerely an inspired reader

bria ballerina said...

I try my best to respond to all of what you guys say because it's all of you that help to keep this blog going! But I'm very sorry to hear that people are leaving nasty things in your formspring too. Don't listen to them. Thank you again for your concern. It means a lot <3

But yes! Keltie was absolutely adorable (as usual). It's always exciting to see her all glammed up! Can't wait to see her on the next episode!

Love always,
<3bria

Anonymous said...

Bria,

I'm glad you decided to delete your formspring, it can quickly turn into a negative thing as people take advantage of the anonymous persona. I'm sorry and I'm sorry that people called you bad names, but I guess now you've learned that sometimes it's best to keep internet stuff on the DL. I admire your ambition.

-Person

bria ballerina said...

Dear Person,

I'm glad I deleted it too.
A lot of the questions on there got too personal, and they expected me to answer them. I just feel bad for those that wanted to ask dance-related questions or other questions they had about me. I feel like I can keep my personal things personal and not feel violated at all. And it feels good.

I admire you and your kind words.
<3bria