Monday, May 16, 2011

i love you.

I have written hundreds and countless number of blogs about people taking me for granted. About the boys that would say sweet things just to have me kiss them the right way. About the boys that I gave a lot of my time and myself to just to have them walk away...I would cry and feel sad for myself for giving myself only to people that would take me for granted. I would get sick of it, but that's all I've ever known. And I was always good at making people feel good about themselves.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would take someone else's love for granted. But I have. We all do. How many times do you think about how much your mom loves you? Or your dad? Or your grandma? Or your best friend? Or your lover? I think we tend to forget that we are loved by so many people, and that should be enough to get us through a bad day or a twist in our lives. You are loved. By so many people, so don't take them for granted. Please tell them that you love them, too. Studies show that fewer divorces and children are happier when someone tells them that they love them everyday. Say "I love you" everyday. It makes a difference.

Today I had my face covered in tears and snot crying my face off because I made the mistake of taking love for granted. The tears were from a combination of happiness, frustration, guilt, etc etc, and I know how that I'm never going to take love for granted ever again. I don't ever want to feel like I did today ever again...

I love you.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Now that we're pretty much doing in school right now because AP exams are over, I'm finding that I have a lot more time for crafting and reading - AKA things that I didn't have time to do at all this year. I made these earrings yesterday! Handpainted and everything! What do you think?

Tomorrow is the first rehearsal at the theatre for our recital this weekend. It's crazy to think that I'll be dancing my last dance school recital this weekend...ohh, and I just realized that I have failed to mention a predicament we've ran into. John - one of my best friends, an amazing partner, and my prince charming - hurt himself over spring break, and he is now MIA from the dance studio. Pedro is saving him for the dance festival this summer in Prague, so that means a lot of rest and no time at the studio. But now that John can't be my Prince Charming in "Snow White" this weekend, Pedro is replacing him. Although Pedro is a retired dancer, he is still fierce as ever, and I am so excited to dance with him. So now my Prince is a 40 year old man. Naturally I would be creeped out, but it's Pedro <3

Also, I don't know if you've noticed but I've fell to the addiction that is Tumblr. So if you have one, go on and follow me! And I've put up the "Ask me anything" option. But if this turns into something like what happened on my Formspring, I will take it away again. So pleaasseee ask me questions! I miss answering your questions!


Monday, May 09, 2011

a wise retweet.

"if you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy." - proverb

A few days ago, Keltie tweeted: "why are we the worst to the people we love the most?"
And it had me thinking + feeling guilty. I've made so many mistakes. Too many mistakes for things to keep going on like everything is alright. My guilt is eating me alive every single day. And I know that I'm hurting the person that I don't want to hurt at all. My hopes of hiding things to not cause any hurt is doing the exact opposite. And in the end, making the mistake isn't worth the lying I'm doing and the pain I'm causing.
And I realize that now. It's not worth it. Seeing the person that I love the most being hurt by my stupid mistake is the worst feeling in the world because I know that I'm completely responsible and that I'm the only one that can change and fix things. It wasn't worth the energy I put in to hide everything. And it's not worth the tears I'm crying now...

A girl replied to Keltie's tweet, and Keltie retweeted: "because we know they love us regardless. and we take it for granted."
I'm completely guilty of taking this love for granted. This entire time, as much as I believed that I was ready for it, I wasn't ready for love yet. I was still scared. I was fully capable of loving someone and showing them how much my heart is attached to them, but when it comes to letting them love me, I'm clueless. I don't know how to let someone love me because of my fear. It's been over a year, and outside of the love world that's a long time. But inside the world of love, it's still too soon to let your heart be ready for something again.

But I'm going to change that.
Let them love you.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

mother's day and cirque du soleil.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Now that I'm a kitten mommy, I did get a couple "Happy Mother's Day" greetings, ha! So to all those puppy mommies, kitten mommies, ferret mommies, hamster mommies, or human mommies - you're the best, and you do great things every single day!

Today I went to see Cirque du Soleil's "Alegria", and it was soooo amazing! I've always wanted to see Cirque du Soleil but have never had the opportunity until now! We got really good seats on the floor right in front of the stage, so we got to experience it the best! I was so amazed by the acrobats and contortionists that performed. Somehow I felt a certain connection with them. Although we're from different realms of the entertainment business, we're still the same by the fact that we have to practice our skill and perfect it. And we make our living out of it because of the sole reason that we love it more than anything in the world. If you ever have the opportunity to see any Cirque du Soleil show, go see it! They're truly amazing! The music is super rad too. (A couple years ago, I did a dance to Cirque du Soleil music, and the show today remind me of it and made me miss it...)

And for those that didn't know, I hate clowns. They're one of my biggest fears. But at the show today, the clowns didn't do many things that bothered me....except when a couple of them came down into the audience to look for a volunteer to come up on the stage. One came really close to me, and I almost peed my pants/was ready to start crying...

Here's to another week and just 2 more AP exams!

Monday, May 02, 2011

a happy (kitten) family.

happy kitten family.
say "hello" to sylvie romanova! (named after my favorite ballerina - sylvie guillem)
kitten mommy.
she loves daddy, too.
 Once upon a time, I wanted a cat. However, my mother doesn't like cats. So I went years and years dreaming of owning a cute cat of my own. One day last month, my best friend and the best partner ever, John, told me that one of his cats is pregnant, so I immediately called dibs on one kitten of the litter. Tai recently lost is cat to an evil mo-ped zooming through the city, so he was in need of a cat, too. And that was when we decided to be kitten parents.

Tai definitely wanted a girl kitten, and I would've been happy with either male or female as long as I could say that kitty is mine. We debated names for a couple days, and I randomly thought of my favorite ballerina - Sylvie Guillem - and suggested the name Sylvie to Tai. He loved it immediately and continued to suggest a 2nd name of Romanova. It had a nice ring to it, so I couldn't object. We had a name, so all that we had left to wait for was the kitten.

A couple weeks later, John informed us that his cat had given birth to three kittens. They were still too small to determine their sex, so it was more waiting. Soon enough, John told us that there were two girls. He sent me pictures, and I saw her - the kitten that I wanted. She was the small one always jumping around in the pictures. I knew that she was the one for us.

Tai and I did more waiting for the time that Sylvie could leave her mother, and today was the day that she would officially become our kitten daughter. When I first saw her, I couldn't speak. She is the cutest kitten I have ever seen in the world. Words can't even describe how cute she is. Sylvie weighs only 10 ounces and can fit in the palm of your hand. She hates to be alone and loves to snuggle up with anyone. When she's full of energy she loves to run around and play with you.

Tai and I are very proud kitten parents.